


I'm a Profiler, And I'll Always Be!

by E_J_Morgan



Series: I'm a Profiler... [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Timeline, F/M, Gen, Younger Spencer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-03-31 10:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13972833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_J_Morgan/pseuds/E_J_Morgan
Summary: Third part of the 'I'm a Profiler...' Trilogy.Spencer is nearly forty years old and busy writing his autobiography. While doing that, he has to look back on his entire life - both professional and private, and try to sort out his feelings about his past, present and future.





	1. The Beginning of a New Life

Thirty-nine-year-old Professor Doctor Spencer Reid was bent over his huge mahogany working desk in his Florida beach mansion with deeply furrowed brows and an ancient-looking fountain pen that had been outdated sometime in the middle of the last century held tightly in his slightly shaking left hand. 

He was mostly right-handed – at least had been. Ever since he’d been shot in the right shoulder several years ago by a cornered and desperate UnSub trying to fight his way through the cordon of FBI agents gathered around him with any means available, he’d been favoring his left hand when it came to writing long assays.

 

And write, he did a lot. By now, he had published over two-hundred studies in varying topics like Physics, Chemistry, Math, Criminology, Psychology or even – to one of his oldest best friend’s, Derek Morgan’s, great delight – in Firearms. Yes: firearms. _‘I can’t believe it, not only has Pretty Boy finally learned to meet his target, he has even gained an understanding of guns!?’_ – His old teammate had teased him. Of course, they both knew he had been able to shoot better than even the dark-skinned ex-agent himself for a decade before that, but neither ever mentioned this little detail.

 

Beside the numerous studies, Professor Doctor Spencer Reid had also published two dozen books about the cases they had worked on and the way profilers approached crime scenes and tried to look for the UnSubs’ signature despite initially having knowledge solely of the victims and the crime itself. This had been an ongoing joke between him and his surrogate father, David Rossi: whenever one of them wanted to start to write about something, they had to consult the other to make sure he hadn’t wanted to write about the same topic first. It was hilarious, at least according to JJ and Emily. _‘Like father, like son.’_ – Hotch had said with a fond smile. And he would know – his own son, Jack, had ended up to the FBI Academy, despite Hotch trying to talk him into choosing law school instead.

 

So, on one notable occasion, him and Rossi had even had a fight over the case called ‘The Blade Killer’ that had gone somehow like this:

 

_“Come on, Rossi! You got to write about the Ripper and the woman who poisoned everyone she thought was a competition. Let me have this one!”_

_“No way, Kiddo. Sorry, but I let you do the crazy maniac with the pocket knife.”_

_“That was my idea in the first place!”_

_“No, it wasn’t, it was mine!”_

_“NO!”_

_“YES! I already had my notes when you came up with it.”_

_“Then we thought of it independently from each other, because I had notes too! And I had also talked to three witnesses before you even mentioned you were interested!”_

_“Well, you should have asked sooner. But it doesn’t matter now; I want to do the Blade Killer. I already have an idea how to describe the crime scene with the blood all over the floor…”_

_“How come the Publisher lets you write all these gory details? They always make me censor myself when it comes to blood! It’s unfair! Besides, I drafted two chapters already!”_

_They heard chuckles then someone cleared his throat behind them. They turned to find the whole bullpen staring at them, smirking or – in some cases (=the newer agents not yet accustomed to their bickering) – looking utterly horrified._

_“What!?” – Rossi asked irritated. – “I’m not allowed to have a conversation with my son?” – He asked, addressing all the agents._

_Most had the decency to avert their eyes in shame. But, of course, some others didn’t have a problem with openly laughing instead._

_“Dave, Spencer: have you thought about an alternate solution?” – Grinned Hotch innocently._

_“What do you mean, ‘alternate’?” – Inquired Reid, trying to ignore the others. He knew they were making a fool of themselves but he couldn’t help it: the senior profiler could be such a pain when he wanted to be!_

_“Well, maybe you could write the book together.” – Stated the unit chief as if it were the most logical thing in the world. His declaration was followed by silence, with Rossi and Reid blinking confusedly at each other for a while._

_Finally, the older man slowly said:_

_“I… khm… actually, I haven’t thought of it yet. Kiddo?”_

_“Me neither… Is it even possible though? What would the Publisher say?”_

_“Who cares?”_

_“True.”_

_“So, what do you think? Do you believe we could do it without killing each other?”_

_“I guess… You get all the disgusting details and I get to do the interviews?”_

_“Deal!”_

_“Great!”_

And so, they had done it. They had written the book together and it had quickly become their most successful work to date; readers regularly sent them fan mail even to this day, saying how the book had changed their lives, how much they had learnt of it. Reid still couldn’t believe it and was glad to let the older man handle all the fans and presentations.

 

Writing came natural to him; he liked it a lot. He always had thousands of thoughts chasing each other in his mind, even when he appeared to be just staring into nothingness. His friends and family knew he never really rested – well, _he_ did, but never his brain. Reid had had a feeling for a long time that he wasn’t completely in control of his mind most of the time. Simply put: his mind was way smarter and quicker than him. Spencer Reid, the FBI agent, was always trying to catch up to Professor Doctor Spencer Reid, the scientist, the teacher, the researcher the… everything. And writing helped because then, he could get his brain to slow down a bit, organize the thoughts, try to explain it to others… It calmed him.

 

But an autobiography? This was something different. The Publisher had been nagging him to do it for two years now and Katie – his assistant (or better yet: ‘manager’, as she liked to call herself, claiming it sounded ‘so much cooler’) thought his approaching his 40. birthday was a good time to actually do it. Reid snorted. Pff. Forty… Really? It wasn’t nearly old enough to write an autobiography! Besides: why would anyone be interested in _his_ life? He had never done anything worth the paper he was writing on! It was one thing for legends like Jason Gideon or David Rossi to write about basically coming up with the idea of the BAU and building it up from scratch themselves. But him? What should he write about?

 

Should he begin with his childhood? Certainly not… Who would care about a skinny, lanky, messy-haired child with dark-rimmed glasses and always a couple of bruises to cover up with too big clothes and long-sleeved pullovers to avoid making the authorities suspicious? Should he share the pain he had felt when his father had just left them, never to return, with the entire world? Or the agony he had felt when he had sent his mother away at the tender age of eighteen? Or when she had stopped recognizing him for good? No, no and no. With that, he tore the paper he had been scribbling on from his notebook with a forceful tug and threw it with a well-practiced movement across the room. It landed squarely in the middle of the waste basket.

 

Yes: Professor Doctor Spencer Reid hadn’t changed; he still preferred writing in his a notebook with a real pen, instead of typing his ideas on a computer and squinting at a screen. That part fell to Katie. Poor girl had become an expert at deciphering his messy handwriting over the last two and a half years she had been working for him.

 

So: if he didn’t want to write about his childhood, what should he begin with? Maybe with meeting Gideon for the first time; an occasion that had changed his whole life? Smiling, he began to write again.

 

_Nineteen-year-old Doctor Spencer Reid was excited; he had been waiting for this day to come for ages, and here it was now: the famous Jason Gideon – the LEGEND – had just arrived, at their campus, to give a guest lecture about the work he did for the FBI as a ‘profiler’. The teenage genius, sitting next to his only slightly older, also genius friend called Ethan, couldn’t wait for it to begin._

_“Do you think he’ll tell us about real cases?” – He asked, bouncing in his seat like a child in a candy store._

_His friends gave a snort._

_“I hope he won’t show us any pictures.” – The older boy hadn’t been nearly as excited as his friend. He preferred sitting in his room listening to music or reading a good book to pondering about gory murder cases. It just wasn’t his thing at all._

_“Oh! Here he is!” – Squeaked Reid, trying to sit up straighter to see the newcomer. Being as young and small as he was, he had to crane his neck even in the front row to be able to see normally._

_“Good day, everyone.” – Began the lecturer. – “My name is Jason Gideon and I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Of course, all of you know what the FBI is. But do you know anything about the BAU?” – Some people shook their heads sheepishly and Gideon chuckled kindly. – “It’s all right. By the time we’ll be finished with today’s lesson, you will all have a general idea about our work. So, let’s begin…”_

_After an hour and a half they indeed knew a lot more than before._

_“Oh. My. God.” – Exclaimed Reid, still under the influence of the whole new world he had learnt about while several students filed out of the auditorium, hurrying to their next class. – “I want to do this!”_

_“You already did.” – Groaned his friend. – “I can’t believe you solved all the cases he presented to us. He said one of them was an old, unsolved mystery and you just unraveled it! Now you might get a medal or something…”_

_The young genius didn’t appear to have heard his friend though._

_“This is soooo amazing! I want to become an agent!”_

_“I thought you wanted to be a mathematician and physician.” – Reminded him Ethan, getting somewhat annoyed. He hated that the younger one seemed to be so much better than him in everything they did together. Not only were they friends, they were also each other’s biggest rivals._

_“Not anymore. I think--- Oh! He’s coming our way!”_

_“No, he’s not.”_

_“Yes, he is.”_

_“He’s no--- Mr. Gideon!”_

_The older man smiled warmly at the two youngest students._

_“Young men. Did you enjoy the lesson?” – He asked them both but his eyes lingered just a tad bit longer on Reid._

_“Yes, sir.” – Nodded Ethan politely._

_“Incredibly!”_

_Gideon chuckled again._

_“The way you think is amazing, Mr…?”_

_“Reid, sir. Doctor Spencer Reid.”_

_“Doctor? How old are you?”_

_“Nineteen. But I’ll be twenty soon.”_

_Ethan rolled his eyes._

_“If in eight months is ‘soon’…”_

_“Shut up. It’s just seven months and 29 days.”_

_“A doctor at that age… Are you a genius?”_

_“I guess… khm…” – Seeing his friend’s sour expression, he quickly added. – “We both are.”_

_“Amazing. And you’re interested in Psychology?” – Inquired Gideon. – “Just because the insight you demonstrated shows you have some prior experience with it.”_

_“Well, I read a lot and I have an eidetic memory, so it all sticks with me… And, being the youngest everywhere, I sort of need it too… You know, to assess people quickly, know if someone’s a threat… ahm…”_

_“Quite understandable. But you just solved a cold case not even several groups of trained FBI agents have been able to, only by what I told you… This is definitely more than just deciding if I’m a threat or not.”_

_“Fresh eyes…? But I’m fascinated by this profiling thing. Is there someplace to study more of that?”_

_“By doing it.”_

_“Oh.” – So, there wasn’t a way he could do it, since he’d never be accepted to the Academy, he was---_

_“Would you be interested in joining our team?”_

_“Huh?” – Way to go, Spencer. You sounded very intelligent! Gideon will soon realize you’re nothing but a snotty kid and then he’d leave faster than lightning._

_“You’d have to go through training first of course. And we’d have to lift some expectations, like the age requirement.” – Mused the agent, more to himself than anyone else. – “I’m not sure they’d give you a gun right away, but it doesn’t matter anyway. Our greatest weapon is our mind. We’d have to take it easy with you but again: no problem. We’re not the counter terrorism unit, we mostly work in a controlled environment. I’ll talk to the others and we’ll see… I think I could get you into the program next month…”_

_“Next month!?”_

_“Let’s talk tomorrow, I’ll know better by then. See you here in my next class.” – With that, the older man was gone, still seemingly deep in thoughts. Spencer and Ethan remained in their seats for a long time, completely stunned._

When he finished, Professor Doctor Spencer Reid read through the paragraphs again. He had to smile at the memory of his nineteen-year-old self, completely petrified at the very idea of his life changing so drastically and so suddenly, but also feeling, deep down, that this would be something huge. Something there wasn’t backing off from. Naturally, his friend Ethan hadn’t been nearly as optimistic about this idea as he had been, predicting his best friend’s quick demise in the clutches of the harsh reality of the FBI.

 

_“You can’t be serious about this, Spencer!” – His friend shouted exasperatedly, having been trying; and failing; to stop the younger man from committing what he had called the biggest mistake of his life. – “They’ll chew you and then spit you out and that will be it! You’re really ready to give up your life and academic career for this momentarily fascination with something you don’t even know much about?”_

_“But Ethan, Gideon said he’d help me with everything! I won’t be alone!”_

_The older boy almost stomped his foot in annoyance._

_“Gideon! Gideon, Gideon, Gideon! It’s always him, I don’t even hear anything else from you anymore! Are you in love with that old man, or what!? Why would he help you? Come on! He’s an agent and he has enough on his plate without mentoring a troubled genius teenager.”_

_“I’m not troubled! And he said---”_

_“Did you know he left his family? He has a twenty-one year old son he hadn’t seen in years, Spencer! Why would he help you if he doesn’t even care about his own child? Do you really trust a man like that?”_

And if that hadn’t been enough, even his mother hadn’t been thrilled about the idea and she had voiced her concerns one day when Spencer had visited her at Bennington.

 

_“Baby, are you sure about this? It sounds so… foreign. I would never have expected you of all people to be interested in law enforcement…”_

_“But why not, mom? What’s wrong with it?”_

_“Nothing, it’s just that you’re more of an academic type. You’re very young, very small and skinny and… I’m worried, that’s all.”_

_“Being a profiler is not so dangerous; Gideon said I’ll work more with my mind than anything else. It’s like being a psychologist.” – He explained, hoping to convince his mother, telling himself if he’d manage that, he’d surely start believing it himself as well._

_“But you’d be an agent, right? You’d need to go through training and also carry a gun.”_

_“Yes, mom. I’ll begin next month.”_

_“Next month!? Already?”_

_He sighed tiredly. He had told her at least three times before and she had been that surprised every time._

_“Yes, mom. Next month.”_

_“And where is it?”_

_He had told her that too._

_“In Quantico. Virginia…”_

_“But that’s so far away! Are you leaving me?”_

_“No, mom. I’ll never leave you; I’ll just be a bit farther away. But I will always be there for you. You can count on me, all right?”_

It hadn’t been all right, of course. And, in the end, he had even become a liar, though only a year and a half later, when he hadn’t been there for her last ‘clean’ days. He’d been tortured by a schizophrenic maniac called Tobias Hankel instead, and by the time he had escaped and gotten well enough to visit her once again, her memories about her only son and her previous life had been gone for good…

 

But he was running ahead in time too quickly.

 

So, after all the ‘well-wishes’ (more like warnings and chidings) of his mother and best friend, he had nearly backed out of the whole thing and continued his university studies instead. But only nearly. Telling himself he wouldn’t be such a coward and also wouldn’t make a fool of himself in front of a man who had done nothing but help him ever since they had met, he had packed up all his personal belongings, sold their house in Las Vegas (his mother had been living in Bennington for over a year back then and he knew she wouldn’t need their home anymore either), and – taking a deep breath – he had moved to Quantico to begin his new life as a cadet.

 

_What had he been thinking? ‘Stupid, stupid!’ – He repeated in his head over and over again as he was standing at the gate of the FBI Academy in Quantico. It was the first time he had left the west coast and he was already cold, shaky and feeling very lonely and lost. All in all: he was miserable and starting to regret the whole thing. Maybe his mother and Ethan had been right all along?_

_“Feeling all right, Spencer?” – Came the kind, caring voice from behind him. Turning around, he found an amused Gideon looking at him with his eyes full of understanding. He didn’t even need to say anything, the man draped an arm around his shoulders and gently gave him a tiny push to get the reluctant young man’s legs moving forward._

_“Do you think I’ll be able to do this?” – Asked Reid as they were walking towards the building where he’d meet the other new cadets. It was a terrifying thought._

_“I KNOW you’ll be excellent.”_

_“But I can’t even run two steps without stumbling over my own two feet! And I won’t be able to shoot – I just know that!” – He said, clearly panicking._

_“These things don’t matter. I told you already: Hotch and I will be there all the way for you, helping you around. You’ll join the BAU as soon as you’re finished with the basic training and we’ll finish teaching you everything. This here…” – The profiler said, motioning around – “… is just your passport into the Bureau. We got a lot of exemptions for you but we couldn’t get you out of at least having to pretend to get a training. It’s okay though, don’t worry. All the sergeants who’ll train you know about your situation.”_

_“Great. So they hate me already even before I’ll have a chance to meet them!” – Complained the teenager._

_Gideon shook his head._

_“Nobody hates you. They might not fully understand the situation but they know you’re younger than anyone, so they’ll treat you accordingly. And you won’t be left alone anyway. In just a few weeks, you’ll officially join my team to finish your training there. All right?”_

_Reid took a deep breath and nodded for his mentor to open the door that would let them inside the building._

_“Yeah. I guess. Let’s do this then.”_

Even during his initial training, Reid had started to get to know all the members of the BAU team, introducing himself to them in order to make him more comfortable around them by the time he’d be able to join the team permanently. Of course, back then, nobody knew about the horrible accident that would put a halt to Unit chief Jason Gideon’s plans and nearly destroy everyone’s dream – including Reid’s.

 

The first weeks of the training had gone by very quickly, and – surprisingly to everyone, especially Reid himself – he had done fairly well. Okay, maybe ‘well’ wasn’t the best expression to use, considering he hadn’t needed to even try most of the things the new cadets had to face, but he had certainly excelled at all his academic studies (intelligence analysis, languages, psychology, criminology and such things)  and also hadn’t disappointed in most of the other aspects of the tasks – except for shooting and anything to do with martial arts, self-defense or even running. He had been great at tactics – as long as they hadn’t wanted him to demonstrate his skills in field. That one occasion had been the point Gideon and Hotch had had to step in and pull out the ‘he’s excused’-card. The expression on the sergeant’s face had been hilarious and worth all the teasing he’d had to endure afterwards from his mates.

 

Anyway, in the end, he had become an official FBI agent.

 

_“Congratulations, Agent Spencer Reid. It’s an honor having you in our midst” – Said one of the senior agents he had never met before. The man held out his hand for Reid to shake and the young man had to suppress a shudder as he took it. He hated touching people…_

_“Thank you, sir.”_

_As soon as the ceremony was over and they were finally left alone, Gideon and Hotch stepped to him. The older man affectively patted his shoulder while the younger agent – knowing Reid’s aversion to any kind of human contact – presented him with a rare smile that was worth a hundred words._

_“Are you excited about beginning your work with us?” – He asked his newest teammate._

_“Yes, Agent Hotchner. I can’t wait!” – That was true, though he wasn’t about to admit that he was also scared to death._

_“Just Hotch, please. I told you, everyone calls me that.”_

_“Sorry. Ag--- I mean: Hotch.”_

_“So: tomorrow will be a big day for you. All the others are ready waiting to welcome you to the team.” – Said Gideon._

_“What if we’ll get a case right away? I won’t even know what to do…”_

_“Don’t you worry about it, son. Taking care of you is our responsibility. We won’t let you down.”_

And of course they hadn’t. Not until about a week later…

 

  * _Did you hear what happened? – Asked Morgan the sleepy genius without preamble, as soon as he had picked up the phone. Throwing a glance at the clock on the nightstand informed the nineteen-year-old that it was only half past two in the morning._



  * _No… Do we have a case? – He asked, trying not to yawn too loudly._



  * _Kid… Something horrible happened. I don’t even know how to tell you._



_Sleepiness gone, Reid was instantly alert._

  * _What? Morgan, tell me!_



  * _The team was called out in the evening for the arrest of the serial bomber Adrian Bale…_



  * _I know that. – He had heard the others talking about it. He hadn’t been allowed to go, of course. As the newest and youngest member of the team, he couldn’t take part in any risky operations as of yet; both Gideon and Hotch had made it quite clear more than once. Morgan, who was battling a nasty cold, also had had to stay at home; much to the older agent’s dismay._



  * _Kid… Listen… A bomb went off…_



  * _No…_



  * _… and it injured several people…_



  * _No!_



  * _… some died…_



  * _NO! Please! No!_



  * _Gideon is fine but very shaken. Hotch is… still alive, as far as I know but… it doesn’t look good. But Manson and Loren are dead, along with four other agents and a hostage. It’s a mess, Kid._



  * _Oh, my God. No, please. This is just a sick joke, right? – It had to be! He couldn’t believe it. Two teammates dead, Hotch dying and Gideon… What would happen now?_



  * _Sorry, Kid. I’m coming to get you, all right? We’ll go to see Hotch in the hospital, meet Gideon there… I’ll be there in ten and…_



_His new friend continued talking until he arrived but Reid couldn’t hear him anymore. His mind was flashing horrible images of dead, mutilated bodies in front of his eyes like a movie. First, they were just nameless, faceless bodies but later they transformed into his two dead teammates, into Hotch, Gideon and Morgan, finally Ethan and his mother. He wasn’t even surprised when in the end, he saw his own dead eyes staring into nothingness. That was the last thing he remembered before falling unconscious._

The aftermath of the explosion was still a blur, even after so many years, he couldn’t exactly recall how Morgan had woken him from his unconscious stupor, gotten him downstairs and into the car before driving him to the hospital. Or how they had waited for news on Hotch and how the ever strong Gideon had seemed absolutely broken and lost.

 

Gideon… The man had blamed himself for everything. And what had been worse: everyone else but the BAU team had seemed to blame him as well. The man had gotten a medical leave and the team, having suddenly lost four of its members (two to death, one to injury and one to nervous breakdown), had fallen completely apart. With only Morgan and Reid remaining, they hadn’t had a chance to do their jobs; especially with Reid being only halfway trained.

 

The director had been threatening to completely terminate their unit and put them both into other (different) teams.

 

_“This can’t be happening, Morgan! We can’t allow this!”_

_“I hear you, Kid. But what can we do?”_

_They were sitting in the small kitchenette, sipping coffee and talking about what would happen to them now. The other agents were noticeably giving them space, quietly avoiding the two grieving colleagues as if their misery were contagious. Maybe they feared that talking to them would lead to similar horrible things happening to other units too…_

_“We have to keep the team together! Hotch will come back; I know he’ll be all right. And Gideon too! That means there’s still four of us, we only need two new members. We could---”_

_The older agent sighed sadly._

_“This is not our decision but the director’s. And why are you so sure either of them would even want to come back?”_

_The nineteen-year-old blinked in innocent confusion._

_“Why wouldn’t they? This is their life!”_

_“No: this is their job. It’s not the same.” – But the kind older agent didn’t seem too convinced of that himself. – “Look, Kid. I get it: you just joined and already you’re faced with the possibility of losing it all. Yes, it sucks, okay? But it doesn’t change the fact that we’re most probably doomed.”_

_“What would you do if you couldn’t be a profiler anymore?”_

_“I used to be with the bomb squad. I guess I could always go back there.” – Shrugged the older man._

_Reid hung his head._

_“I wouldn’t have a place anywhere else. I guess I’d have to go back to Las Vegas and admit defeat.”_

Miraculously, it hadn’t come to that. Of course Hotch had gotten better and had gone back to the BAU right away – this time as unit chief, since Gideon had still been away. Of course, they had successfully lobbied for new members – and they had gotten a media liaison and a technical analyst. Of course Gideon had come back not long after that and even another member – Elle – had joined.

 

With that, the team had been complete again and ready for action.

 

Professor Doctor Spencer Reid reread everything he had written so far and sighed contently. Yes, that had been how his career in the FBI had begun at nineteen years of age, without proper training and – for a while – without even the necessary supervision or even anything to actually do. (Other than trying to keep everything together until things would go back to semi-normal.) Not that the continuation had been anything less complicated, mind you, but that would be the topic of the coming chapters. His work for today was done.

 

He turned off the lights and decided to call it a night.


	2. The Demons We Fight

Next day, Reid got up exceptionally early for a – for once – free Saturday to continue writing:

 

‘The everyday life of an FBI agent – and especially so if said agent works for the BAU – involves going after monsters for a living and battling the evil at every turn. You need to seek out things normal people flee from, and after a while, it doesn’t even feel strange or weird anymore.

 

Sometimes though, the demons we fight aren’t the UnSubs we chase – sometimes, those demons are inside of us, poisoning our very souls. These are of the worst kind: you can’t see them, you can only feel them living and growing inside you. Even so, sometimes you only notice it when it’s most probably already too late.

 

I’ve had many ups and downs in my life – as I’m sure everyone else had better or worse periods as well. But there were certain times during my career when I really felt like I wouldn’t be able to continue…’

 

Being tortured is… well: torture. But while he had been in Hankel’s clutches, Reid’s thoughts had been mostly preoccupied with trying to come up with a plan that wouldn’t get others – or him – killed in the end, and with worrying for JJ about whom he hadn’t known anything ever since they had separated that fateful night – a serious lack of judgement he had come to regret in his entire life. Fighting against the three personalities had given him a purpose and distracted him enough from the pain to be able to go on as long as it had been needed. When it had been over and even the last traces of Dilaudid had worn off… well. Let’s just say it hadn’t been pretty.

 

_The headache was horrible and still, it was nothing compared to the fire his entire body seemed to be on. Ever since he had been brought to the hospital, he had been in an incredible amount of pain and didn’t wish for anything else but to sleep and sleep… preferably forever. But, alas, sleep just wouldn’t come; his mind was too preoccupied with the memories; too troubled to let his rest._

_While he’d been with Hankel, he had fought for his life with everything he’d had instead of just simply giving up and be done with it. Now, he wondered why he had even bothered._

_“Son… Talk to me. Are you in pain?” – Asked Gideon worriedly, gently squeezing his hand. The older man had refused to leave his bedside even for getting food or drink. Luckily, the others were also always nearby, ready to take care of both of them if needed._

_Reid didn’t understand why the man wasn’t shouting at him, giving him a lecture about how stupid he had been… Maybe he was saving the honors for Hotch. Or even Morgan… Or they’d all team up on him? He’d deserve it for sure._

_“Spence? Please, say something… We’re worried.” – That was JJ. She shouldn’t be worried for him! He had gotten her injured; she should hate him!_

_“Kid? Can you hear us?” – Good old Morgan, always talking to him like you’d talk to a little child. Normally, it would soothe him, but now, even that didn’t help…_

_Garcia was running her hands through his still wet hair. After he had been rescued and the doctors had made sure he’d survive, he had demanded to be allowed to take a shower. He’d wanted to get rid of the smell of burnt fish and all the dirt covering him. At least he felt like a human being again._

_Hotch was standing at the door like a guard dog, watching over him with an expression that was even more grim than usual. And that said a lot. Only Prentiss looked as collected as ever; even now, nothing seemed to be able to shake her. Then again, she wasn’t as close to the group yet as Elle had been._

_Elle… Reid missed her. She had been part of the team and then suddenly she was gone; they hadn’t heard of her ever since. How could people just disappear like that? Like his father had…_

_He looked around the room again meeting the eyes of his friends… no: family, his gaze landing finally on Gideon’s face. The older man had unshed tears in his eyes and the unnatural, slightly frightening sight made the boy wonder if things would ever go back to normal again. But one thing was sure: he would fight against the pull of Dilaudid. He wouldn’t take it again. Never. He might have stolen it but he’d never use it. He wouldn’t risk losing his job and his family along with it._

_“Yeah. I’m fine.” – He said, and he made a silent vow to ensure this would be true, because he couldn’t bear to lose any of the team._

When the new team of profilers (Hotch as unit chief, Gideon as senior profiler, Morgan, Elle then later Emily and Reid as agents, JJ as media liaison and Garcia as technical analyst) had been established, the cases had kept coming all the time; they had barely finished one and would be called to the next right away. Under these circumstances, there hadn’t been much chance to do anything but work.

 

_“I’d like kids one day… At least, I think so. You?” – Asked him Morgan one rainy afternoon, after they had finished a gruesome case that had involved three brutally murdered children and were flying towards Quantico for their much deserved rest – or the next case. Whichever awaited them._

_Everyone was still on edge and inside the jet you could cut the tension with a knife. Gideon wasn’t talking to anyone, like so many times before when a case had hit particularly close to home. Hotch was staring at his cell, clearly debating whether it was a good time to call Haley and ask about Jack or not, while JJ and Emily were sitting farther away from them and talking in hushed voices, probably debating the pros and cons of becoming parents in a world like that. The youngest profiler had been deep in thoughts until the interruption._

_“Huh? Well… I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it yet…” – And why should he have? He was still just twenty, and the only children he ever came in close contact with were either dead or traumatized._

_“Do you think I’d make a good dad?”_

_Reid looked at his best friend – more like brother – and smiled._

_“I know you’ll make a great dad one day.”_

_“Thanks, man. I’m sure you too.”_

_“I don’t know… It’s not as if I had a great example or anything…” – He admitted, referring to his own father who had left them without even a proper explanation or goodbye and his mother who was… well… loving and caring. Whenever she remembered she had a son. And when she didn’t think her son had been replaced by a clone. Or when she hadn’t forgotten to take her meds. Or… Whatever._

_Morgan sighed, understanding the youngest team members thoughts without explanation. By now, all of the team more or less knew about his childhood._

_“It doesn’t matter, Kid. You have an example now. We are family.”_

_“I know.”_

_And he did. For the first time ever, he felt part of something. He really belonged._

Debates like that had been frequent amongst the older agents during that period because just looking around it was evident to everyone you couldn’t balance family and work in that profession properly – one of them necessarily had to suffer. In most cases, it was the former one, meaning the divorce rate within the FBI was probably twice as high as within any other control group you could find. And sure enough: Hotch himself had become part of that statistic not long after that. Then again, at least he hadn’t lost his faith in their job; not like Gideon had.

 

Gideon… Thinking about the man who had once been like a father still sent painful stabs into the genius’ heart. He would never ever forget finding the abandoned cabin with the letter addressed to him personally and finally understanding that the man was really and truly gone.

 

_“Reid, you don’t have to worry about your place on the team, all right? It was never dependent on Jason’s presence.” – Hotch tried to calm the young man whose heart was racing so much, the others were afraid he’d faint right then and there. He had just told them about going to the cabin and finding the note… that could be a suicide note for all they knew. – “Reid? Are you listening to me?”_

_“Hmm…” – In reality: no, he wasn’t. He was too busy concentrating on not to hyperventilate._

_“Come on, Kid. Just breathe. It will be fine, Gideon would never do anything stupid…” – But then Morgan trailed off, remembering the last days… Wouldn’t the senior profiler do anything to himself after that? He suddenly wasn’t so sure anymore._

_The youngest member gave a strangled little cry and closed his eyes tightly to prevent the tears from falling. Garcia, JJ and Emily watched him worriedly, exchanging helpless glances with each other. None of them had any idea what to do._

_Hotch continued._

_“We were talking with Jason for a while about letting you do more things with us. I mean: more action. You did great on your last marksmanship test and you’ve been working with us for over a year already… We trust you.” – Morgan’s expression didn’t necessarily say the same thing but Reid couldn’t care less anyway. – “So, don’t worry about not having a supervisory agent now. It’s fine, you don’t need training anymore. You’re a full-fledged member of our team.”_

_Reid was of course grateful for the effort, but couldn’t his unit chief see that he didn’t give a damn about his position right now? A father figure had left him – again. Was there something wrong with him that everyone rather gave up their comfortable lives just to be away from him!?_

_For Reid was a 100% sure that Gideon’s leaving was actually his fault. He didn’t exactly know why or how – he just knew. Maybe it had taken the older man this long to remember how bad his protégé had screwed up on the Hankel case, or maybe he thought Reid had taken Dilaudid. Whatever the reason: Gideon had felt he couldn’t be near the younger man anymore; and instead of throwing the kid out, the senior profiler had left himself. The genius supposed he should be grateful for at least that, but in reality, on only made him feel more guilty._

_JJ just shrugged sadly and Garcia burst out in tears upon seeing her ‘little brother’s’ normally so expressive eyes be so empty. The boy wasn’t bubbly and full of life, talking a mile a minute now. He was sulky, silent and depressed; something none of them had ever seen before; not even after Hankel – and that alone said a lot._

_Hotch sighed, feeling tired an defeated._

_“Reid, I’d like to talk to you. Privately. Come into my office, please. Everyone else: go back to your tasks, please.”_

_The genius needed a nudge from Morgan to even start climbing the catwalk towards the unit chief’s isolated office. He was so dazed, he wasn’t even completely aware what was going on._

_As soon as they were inside, the older agent closed the door and shut the blindfolds. This was something he never usually did, and that, finally, caught the younger man’s attention._

_“Reid, please: sit down.” – Both took the chairs in front of the desk, beside each other, like equals. Even though, they weren’t: Hotch was the unit chief; and now also senior profiler without Gideon there. And Reid was… Just a stupid kid who chased everyone away. He should be kicked out before he’d cause even more trouble. – “You’re not blaming yourself, are you?”_

_“Ahm…”_

_“It wasn’t your fault! Jason… he was troubled. But you know that. It had nothing to do with you. It was the job he’s had enough of…”_

_The genius felt his anger rise at that._

_“But he didn’t just leave the job, did he?” – He roared. – “He could have quit and still keep in touch with us. But no, he had to disappear without a goodbye. To leave a note like that, addressed to me. How could it NOT be my fault!?”_

_“I agree it was somewhat extreme---”_

_“It was exceptionally STUPID.”_

_There was no denying it…_

_“Still: it’s nothing against you or either of us. And I’m sure he’ll get in touch with you… one day. He loves you very much, you know that, right? You’re like a son to him.”_

_“Well, he abandons sons easy enough then.” – The boy spat with venom, referring to Stephen whom Jason Gideon hadn’t seen in years either._

_“It’s not for us to judge him.” – Was all the other man said to that. – “Reid… Spencer. It’s gonna be all right. We’re still a team and you will never be alone. I know it’s hard but trust us. Please.”_

_“Sorry, Hotch, but I’m not sure I can trust anyone anymore.” – He admitted sadly._

_“Well, then we’ll just have to teach you to trust again.” – The genius knew that was a promise._

He still didn’t know why Hotch had seemed so worried for him back then; he didn’t think he had given the man a reason for it. But fact was: the unit chief had watched him like a hawk for a long time after that. Actually, thinking back, it had been like that up until the point when he had gotten close to Rossi.

 

_“He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. He’s just not used to working in a team like ours.” – Explained the unit chief tiredly for what felt to be the tenth time to the unusually subdued and moody genius he had vowed to take care of. It seemed he wasn’t doing a great job… - “Reid? Did he say something that hit you harder than what I know of?” – He was, of course, talking about the newest agent, David Rossi, with whom the youngest member couldn’t seem to find common ground at all._

_“No. It’s fine.”_

_“You don’t seem to be fine.” – And the boy didn’t: the circles under his eyes had been darker, his hair messier than ever since Gideon had left. He was also losing weight rapidly, even though before that everyone would have said it was impossible._

_Reid shrugged again._

_“I don’t know why.”_

_Actually, he did: he wasn’t sleeping. He wasn’t eating. He wasn’t even reading books for pleasure anymore and couldn’t look at a chess board without feeling the need to vomit. The only thing he did now was work, to prove to himself and to the team he was still good for something, even if he had chased away one of their teammates._

_He didn’t know why Hotch was bothered about it though. Shouldn’t a boss be happy if a worker was committed and didn’t care about such mundane things as having a private life? In his opinion, he should get the ‘worker of the year’ medal. Instead of that, the unit chief had been nagging him about taking care of himself ever since the senior profiler had left them, giving Reid, who was still struggling from the aftermath of his kidnapping and subsequent torture, perhaps the ultimate push towards madness._

_It surely didn’t help that their newest member, Agent David Rossi, had been the best friend and oldest colleague of Gideon. Even so, he couldn’t be more different… Where Gideon had been caring and loving, this new addition was rude, arrogant and self-centered. While Gideon had thought of Reid as a son and protégé, for Rossi he was only an annoyance to get rid of as soon as possible. And the man had no problem broadcasting his feelings on the matter either: he would roll his eyes whenever Reid tried to say something. He would groan when he had to work with the youngest member of the team or would simply ignore anything the genius had to show them. Put simply: he hated the boy’s guts._

_For Reid, it was understandable: it was his fault Gideon; Rossi’s best friend; had disappeared from the face of the Earth and the older man had to come back from his retirement because of that. Reid was sure the man would prefer sitting at home, working on his next book to having to put up with an abomination like him._

_So, he tried to give the man as much space as possible; with his original hero worship lightyears away now, it wasn’t such a difficult feat to achieve either. He didn’t deserve or need anyone anyway. At least he thought he didn’t._

‘Monsters are very real and tangible most of the time if you’re an FBI agent. At other times the biggest enemy can be your own consciousness. And you need to learn to deal with that just like you learn everything else that comes with the job: on your own.’

Having finished the second chapter of his autobiography, Reid glanced at his watch and groaned. It was time for dinner and his family wouldn’t be happy if he missed it – again. He knew very well he could get a bit absorbed in his work if he didn’t pay attention to the time…

 

He smiled at the memory of his first years at the BAU, and remembered when things had started to get better with the man who was a father for him now: with their temporary duty with the Organized Crime Unit. It had started out as a catastrophe and had ended being something entirely different. Something that had changed his whole life.

 

He knew now what the next chapters would be about.

 

“Spencer! We’re waiting for you!” – Came the persistent yell from downstairs.

 

“I’m on my way!” – He shouted back, laughing to himself. Yes: that one event had certainly changed his life.


	3. Make a Name for Yourself

After their time spent with the Organized Crime Unit, Reid had changed. A lot. He had grown and had finally come to terms with Gideon’s leaving and the feeling of abandonment that had been his constant companion ever since his surrogate father had left the team with only a letter addressed to the youngest member and nothing else. Of course, everyone had noticed that something was different, even if they hadn’t been able to pinpoint exactly what. Their efforts had been funny, if nothing else.

 

_“There’s something different about you…” – Mused Morgan on the jet, trying to catch the boy off guard so that maybe he would reveal his secret. It was very early in the morning of Reid and Rossi’s first case with the BAU since coming back from their temporary duty and eventual undercover assignment with the Organized Crime Unit. Everything they had done there was top secret so, naturally, everyone wanted to know even the smallest detail about it._

_“It must be my hair.” – The boy nodded as if deep in thoughts, while knowing full well his best friend hadn’t been referring to that at all._

_“Nope… Something else…”_

_“The clothes?” – The youngest agent tried again, motioning at his suit jacket and plain dress shirt. He even wore an elegant and matching tie, so that was new indeed. (Just like his odd socks, but they were, to Rossi’s immense relief, concealed by his long pants and shoes.)_

_“I don’t think so…”_

_“Then I know!” – He smiled. – “My muscles!” – He flexed his arms, showing off… well: nothing. But it had been worth a try, anyway. And Dean had promised they’d all notice the result of their hard training soon…_

_And it was definitely also worth to see Morgan do a double take and try to cover up a chuckle with a fake coughing fit._

_“Really, Kid. Did something happen with those people? We were so worried. Or…” – He leaned closer and continued in a whisper. – “… was it Rossi? Was he unbearable to you? Come on, we have all seen what he can be like when it comes to working with you…”_

_“No, Morgan, it’s fine. Rossi was amazing.”_

_“Then what…?”_

_“It’s nothing, really.” – Well, he couldn’t exactly tell his friend what he was feeling, especially because he himself wasn’t sure what it was either. But he knew he was feeling great: stronger, more confident. Not like a child he used to be. Something had changed, indeed._

_And maybe being in love for the very first time in his life had something to do with it too… But he wasn’t going to reveal that to his friend for sure. The man wouldn’t leave him alone anymore, probably wanting to know everything about her and how they had met._

_Just thinking about Sydney’s e-mail from the night before brought a silly smile to the youngster’s face and it sadly didn’t serve to quell his older ‘brother’s’ suspicion._

_“Spencer, there is definitely something going on with you. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was a girl…” – A beat… - “Oh. My. God. Is it a girl!?”_

_Well, so much for not telling Morgan about it. Damn._

_“No comment.” – Was all the genius said. But the damage had been done…_

_“I bet it is! Wanna tell me about her?”_

_“Absolutely not. There’s nothing to tell.”_

_“Come on, man. I’m your best friend.”_

_“There’s no girl.”_

_“I don’t believe you.”_

_“It’s your problem then.”_

Morgan, of course, hadn’t noticed the boy’s reluctance to talk about his love life – or maybe he just hadn’t cared. Anyway, as Reid had feared, the man hadn’t wanted to let the topic go for a very long time. In the end, it had been Reid who had given up first and so he had told the older man all about the girl he loved.

 

_“Her name’s Sydney and she’s 18.” – He admitted with a sigh one evening when it was only the two of them in the bullpen, with the others having already gone home long ago. – “I met her while we were with the OCU. Can’t tell you more about it, so don’t even try!” – He warned when he saw the other man open his mouth to say something. – “Anyway, she’s beautiful, and the nicest person I’ve ever met, and we’re keeping in touch and---”_

_“I KNEW! WHOOOOPY! YOU’RE IN LOVE!”_

_Reid winced at the outburst._

_“Would you mind keeping your voice down!? Maybe the entire HR department on the third floor hasn’t heard you yet.”_

_“Oh, come on, Kid. Nobody’s here at that ungodly hour anymore. Wow. A girlfriend…”_

_“I didn’t say she was my girlfriend! We’re just writing e-mails…” – But it was no use; his friend wasn’t listening to him anymore; he was too busy drumming on the table with two pencils and celebrating instead._

_“I can’t believe it: my little brother is finally growing up! Do you need some advice on… you know: being safe? I don’t want you to make me an uncle too soon---”_

_“Jesus, Morgan!” – The younger agent squeaked in mortification._

_“Oh, come on, you can talk to me about anything! So, do you need---”_

_“I’m not listening to that anymore! I’m going home!” – With that, the boy dropped the book he had been reading into his messenger bag and started towards to elevator, only to be followed by his enthusiastic friend talking a mile a minute about how cute the little Reids would be; in a couple of years. Certainly not now._

_With that, Reid could at least agree: he couldn’t even bear to be around children for long, let alone think of having one of his own. And he didn’t think he’d ever change his mind._

_Of course, years later, meeting little Charlotte ‘Lottie’, and then JJ giving birth to his godson Henry would certainly change his mind about children in general…_

Anyway, things had definitely changed. From that point on, Reid had been a more active part of the BAU group than ever before, and also an honorable member of the Organized Crime Unit, sometimes even working with them on certain cases. It seemed, he had only needed this small push from people who hadn’t coddled him like Gideon first and then later Hotch had. The men had meant well, the genius knew that, but in the end, being thrown in at the deep end had been what had done him the best.

 

Not that everyone noticed it right away, mind you…

 

‘Being the youngest FBI agent ever meant being ridiculed and laughed at by UnSubs, local PDs and some fellow agents alike. I couldn’t count how many times officers called me ‘little kid’, ‘snotty’ or ‘the unit chief’s pet’ – sometimes Gideon’s or Rossi’s too. But that part, I could take; I knew not to listen to them. But those who didn’t want to hurt me, often thought they should baby me instead as well as try to help me get through ‘growing up’ and give me endless advice about what they called ‘real life’. That was the harder part…’

 

_“Doctor Reid.” – Strauss said in an almost motherly tone that certainly didn’t suit her at all, sitting at her desk and motioning the young genius to take a seat in front of her as well._

_She had requested his presence as soon as he had entered the building early in the morning (sooner than everyone else, like most days), and he wondered if it had anything to do with his recent kidnapping by the crazy scientists wanting to experiment with genius brains._

_“Ma’am.” – He politely nodded before slowly sinking into the uncomfortably soft armchair. He wished he could just return to his own desk, and start looking through the old case files he had brought from the archives instead of having this probably highly embarrassing conversation with the older woman._

_“Doctor Reid… Spencer… Do you mind if I call you Spencer?” – Actually, he did. Not that he could tell her that, so he only shrugged. Come to think of it, shrugging wasn’t entirely appropriate when it came to your superior either but luckily she didn’t seem to notice or care, for she was continuing already, without actually waiting for an answer. – “I just wanted to ask if you were all right? The recent unfortunate event must have taken its toll on you and I must admit, I’m a bit worried.”_

_“There’s no need to worry about me, ma’am. I’m absolutely fine.” – He said honestly._

_“I’m happy to hear that. But if you need a few days…”_

_“Thank you, but I don’t. I’m really all right. They didn’t hurt me or anything.” – They hadn’t. Actually, if he wanted to be honest with himself, he had somewhat enjoyed starting a rebellion and leading his newfound friends to stand up for themselves against what they had originally considered powerful authority. He had never thought of himself as a leader-type (this job usually fell to Hotch or Morgan) but now… He wasn’t so sure anymore. Maybe he wasn’t so hopeless after all._

_“I wasn’t just talking about being hurt physically though.” – She added, looking at him calculatingly over her glasses. – “Your mental well-being is just as important, Spencer.”_

_“Ahm…”_

_“You’re the youngest agent we’ve ever had and you’ve been through more than most of the others…” – She was probably referring to the Hankel-case, Reid decided and he knew he definitely didn’t want to talk about that. Not with her. – “What you do and see… We don’t want you to burn out even before you reach the age other people begin their careers at.”_

_“We?”_

_“That is to say: I and the director and other… high-ranking persons within the Bureau.”_

_“Oh. I promise you all, ma’am that there’s nothing wrong with me.”_

_She sighed, almost sadly, as if she had wished for him to burst out crying about having had too much pressure._

_“All right then. Should you need anything, I want you to know that I’m here. My office is always open for you, Spencer.”_

‘Conversations like that were happening on a regular basis at that time and I quickly learned, the only way to stop these people was to make them realize I could and would take care of myself. Besides, I had lots of plans for my time as a field agent and didn’t want to waste any day by being mothered. I guess you could say I was like a teenager wanting to break free from his parents’ clutches to be more independent.

It was also around that time that I decided I needed to learn more about our UnSubs than what we had the opportunity to get to know while chasing them. So, I started arranging prison interviews with the serial killers that had been already caught every time we weren’t away on a case. Of course, most of my friends weren’t as enthusiastic about this new idea as I was.’

 

_“Kid, you’re kidding, right? You don’t really want to go to the prison and meet that madman alone, do you? He killed thirteen people!”_

_Spencer sighed for what felt like the hundredth time this day._

_“Yes, Morgan. That’s exactly what I’m planning on doing.” – He said tiredly. He’d already had an argument about this with Hotch, Rossi, JJ and Garcia. He suspected Emily wouldn’t wait too long with confronting him either. He was just glad he hadn’t told Sydney… She would surely flip out if she knew._

_“But why?”_

_“Because I think we need to study their behavior more, so that we can improve our knowledge about serial killers. That’s why.” – He explained with forced patience for the third time. – “And the best way to do this is to actually ask them why they did what they did and what they were thinking about it before, during and after the act. I want to---”_

_“No.”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“I won’t permit it. You can’t go.”_

_Reid had to hold back the cruel laughter that was threatening to burst out of him._

_“I’m sorry but I don’t think I heard you right. I think I heard you say: you wouldn’t_ allow _me to do what I want!?”_

_“That’s exactly what I said! Kid, you’re 25 years old, and still look like a high school student. A stronger wind would blow you away, there’s no way I’d let you go alone to a prison. I’ll go with you then.”_

_“No. I’ve been to prisons countless times and never has anything happened to me. And believe it or not: I’ve been training for years with Dean and the other OCU members. I can take care of myself and you have better things to do than coming with me.”_

_“But---”_

_“No, Morgan. I’m an adult, please, try to treat me as such.”_

And that had been it. Reluctantly, but Morgan had agreed, and even though he hadn’t slept until Reid had called the next day to assure him he was fine, the older profiler had to admit the kid had had a point. At 25, you’re an adult.

 

After that, nobody had been surprised anymore when their eccentric genius just declared his wish to study old cases in the archives, dashed to the library to check something out about a murder that had happened like a hundred years ago or visited serial killers in jail for fun. They had all learnt to accept his uniqueness, not to mention the benefits this had all brought for all of them.

 

‘Contrary to popular belief, being a genius is hardly anything in itself. It’s only an opportunity to learn and become better and better; to never give up striving for more. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to work hard to achieve your goals. Nothing comes easily, no matter how high your IQ is.

At least, that’s what I was telling myself like a mantra whenever I did these self-appointed assignments, sometimes in the middle of the night so that they wouldn’t disrupt my daily routine job. I was deadly tired and Sydney was threatening to break up with me, saying she never got to see me anymore. By that time, we were already living together and were – secretly – planning our wedding. I understood perfectly where her frustration was coming from, but I also simply couldn’t ignore the excitement these new challenges brought. I felt like I had finally found a purpose of my own; something I had come up with and could form to my liking. And there was also the teaching at the Academy I began back then, along with giving guest lectures at the university with Gideon of course...’

 

_“And you will really teach at the Academy too?” – Asked Emily while they were preparing their morning coffees in the small kitchenette, Reid pouring as much sugar into it as possible. And then some more for good measure._

_“Well, yeah… They asked me to. Do you think it’s a stupid idea? I mean, I’m hardly older than most of the students…”_

_“Actually, I think it’s a brilliant idea.” – She said smiling._

_“Really? But they probably won’t even take me seriously…”_

_“Yes, really. And don’t worry about it: it’s not the age that matters. You are confident, smart and know more than anyone I’ve ever known. I’m sure your lessons will be the most interesting ones. Maybe I’ll even pop in to hear you speak.”_

_“Ahm…” – He didn’t want to say that the presence of a friend might make everything worse. – “Thanks, Emily. I’m just nervous…”_

_“I know. But how could they not like it if you tell them about all your experiences; everything you’ve seen!? The research you’ve been doing and all you’ve read, learned over the years… It will be fine, you’ll see!”_

It had been more than fine. After the first lesson Reid hadn’t understood why and how he hadn’t done that before.

 

_“It was amazing!” – He told everyone who would listen the next day. It was early in the morning, and he was standing in the small kitchen with JJ, Rossi and Morgan. – “They’re all so enthusiastic and curious about everything! They think our job is amazing and have endless questions about it! I think I might have to write a new book for them to learn from though, the old one is too outdated, we know so much more by now…”_

Years later, as a successful teacher, writer and agent, Reid had never been able to remember when exactly the others stopped thinking of him as the ‘baby of the team’, or if they had stopped doing that at all.

Maybe by the time he had started questioning the whole point of the BAU and the direction they’d been going? When he had outright asked if it had been what Rossi and Gideon had wanted in the beginning when they had started the whole thing in a tiny, dark chamber somewhere underground so many years ago? When he had started insisting they do more work to understand the thinking and modus operandi of their UnSubs and study the victims and crime scenes more and, in turn, leave the running around with drawn weapons mostly for the local police officers?

 

_“It’s not like we don’t have people to arrest the criminals.” – He told Emily one day in Detroit. She had just been made acting unit chief a couple of days ago and was very worried she would ‘mess it up’ and ‘fail’ her boss. – “It’s not necessary for us to divide our time between working on the profile and running around on the streets at night.” – He reminded her gently._

 

_The whole team was exhausted to the extremes after having worked three nights straight, observing a night club while they had worked on the profiler and gathering information during the day. Hotch had gotten sick with the common flu sometime on the second day and was now in the hotel, sleeping restlessly and battling a high fever. Reid had just visited him to bring some meds and prepare a good strong tea for the man to drink._

 

_“I know… How’s Hotch?”_

_“He’ll be better once he’ll be able to sleep for more than half an hour at a time. He’s mostly tired. We all are.”_

_“Yes… I realize we can’t keep doing that any longer. But what do we do then…?” – Emily seemed unnaturally unsure of herself and was looking at her friend with hope in her eyes, as if she wished Reid would magically make things better for the whole team with a wave of his wand._

_“Well, for now, we should all do our jobs: have Rossi and JJ visit the morgue and talk to Doctor Hampton about those bodies; I think we’re missing something there. Morgan can talk to the dancers in that night club; he should enjoy that anyway. You and I can work on the geographic profile and the victimology. Oh, and have Garcia check out if anyone has been fired from the bar recently, maybe a security guard, or perhaps a janitor. I have a feeling the bar is the key.”_

_Prentiss blinked tiredly at her youngest colleague for a moment before smiling happily._

_“What would I do without you, Spencer? And I promise you: this night we’ll all catch up on sleep. Let the police do the surveillance for once.”_

_“Excellent decision.”_

After that, Reid had been consulted for his opinion about not only the cases but also Hotch’s – as the unit chief’s – decisions. It had turned out that not only was the youngster a capable leader, he was also an excellent one. Slowly, the BAU had turned back to its original purpose: studying criminals, victims and crime scenes. It involved more brain work and less running around on the streets with the local police officers, and everyone – as surprising as it sounded, even Morgan – was actually quite satisfied with the change.

 

‘I couldn’t even believe it at first but I was really making a difference. Before that, I’d have never thought anyone was interested in what I had to say, let alone take me seriously enough to actually listen and let me make decisions.

When I turned thirty, I got a medal for ‘outstanding achievement’ within the BAU and the FBI in general for teaching, writing and working as an active field agent at the same time. This wasn’t the first award I’d been given and certainly not the last. But somehow, still to this day, this one seems to stand out in my memory brighter than any other: this one marked another milestone in my life as well. For this was the year my first child was born.’

 

Reid stopped writing and shook his hurting wrist, wincing a bit. He had been working on his autobiography again for several hours without stopping, probably missing dinner as well. Sydney and the kids wouldn’t be pleased…

 

Thinking about his family made him smile. As much as he loved his work, he adored his wife and children a hundred times more, and knew he would do and give up everything for them. Not that he felt it contradicted with being an agent – as a matter of fact, he believed it made him a better profiler.

 

He decided to write about how he managed to do his work and still have a family in the next chapter. For now, he just wanted to spend some time with the girls.


	4. A Profiler's Work is Never Done

He had come to understand Hotch a bit better every day since he had become a father. It was not easy to excel at being a husband, a father and an FBI agent at the same time, not to mention his other – mostly self-appointed – responsibilities. As it was, Reid had always tried to be outstanding in everything he did, and that endeavor might have been exactly what had saved him from suffering the same end of marriage his unit chief had had to go through a long time ago, when things had still been much simpler for Reid.

 

His ‘new life’ and all the big changes had, of course, begun with their wedding.

 

_“Morgan… ahm… can we talk?”_

_“Sure, Kid. What’s up?”_

_“Not here…” – Reid looked around frantically, making sure the others weren’t paying attention to them. Luckily, the Bullpen was pulsing with action like a beehive, as it was most of the days the BAU team hadn’t gone out on a case, so everyone was too occupied to have heard them. – “Outside.”_

_The older man blinked with slight surprise but then shrugged anyway and followed the younger genius towards the elevators._

_“All right, why not.”_

_They decided to go up to the roof because that was mostly deserted and offered enough privacy for the conversation that was coming._

_“So…” – Began the boy as soon as they were finally alone but then trailed off, suddenly unsure of himself._

_“Kid, you can tell me anything. What is it? Is it about your new girlfriend?” – As a matter of fact, his relationship with Sydney wasn’t so new; it’s just that he hadn’t told anyone about it for a long time. He was beating himself up about it now; that would make things so much more difficult. If only Morgan had met Sydney already…_

_“Actually, it is about her, yes.” – He nodded thoughtfully, complexion slightly pale and somewhat green._

_“Oh, God! She’s pregnant, isn’t she!?” – Stared Morgan. – “Oh… What are you going to do now? You can’t give up your job! Is she even old enough to be a mother? I know you’re not old enough to be a father! I---”_

_“What!? No, she’s not pregnant!”_

_“Oh.”_

_Now or never…_

_“We’re getting married.” – He deadpanned, causing the older agent to burst out laughing._

_“Very funny, Kid. Good joke, I nearly fell for it! Now, really, what is it that you wanted to talk about---”_

_“It’s not a joke, you jerk! We. Are. Getting. Married. I asked her a couple of days ago and she said yes.”_

_Morgan froze on the spot._

_“OH!” – Was all he got out, apparently too stunned to say anything else._

_“We’re planning to have our wedding next spring.” – His friend remained silent. – “That’s in three months.” – Reid added helpfully, figuring the man was too out of it to put two and two together right now._

_“Wow.”_

_“I was wondering if you’d be… khm… I’m really not good at this… Well: would you be my best man, Derek?”_

_“A…Ah!”_

_“It’s just that you’re my best friend and my big brother in everything but blood. You’ve been that since I’m here. And you were also my first friend and one of the first persons who didn’t tease, ridicule or torture me and…” – He looked at the older man expectantly, all but begging with his eyes._

_“Khm…”_

_At that, the genius let out an annoyed growl._

_“Would you at least try to say words that make some sense?”_

_“I… ahm… wow.”_

_“Well, that’s helpful.” – The boy threw his hands in the air, clearly indicating how annoyed he was about the whole situation. “Ah, forget it. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I just thought---”_

_“I’d be honored.” – Said Morgan quickly, effectively cutting the upcoming rant off._

_“Really?”_

_“Of course. Come here, little brother.” – He pulled the ridiculously relieved younger man into a bear hug and held him tightly for a long time. – “Congratulations, Spencer.”_

_Huh, one friend was down. Now, Reid just had to tell at least twenty other people. No big deal… Right?_

The others, of course, hadn’t been any easier to deal with. Not that it had surprised him: Life was never easy for Doctor Spencer Reid. Garcia had cried and shouted excitedly at the same time. The genius would never have thought this to even be possible, but the eccentric computer analyst had pulled it off without difficulties. JJ and Emily both started planning what to wear for the ceremony right away, including the dress suit _he_ should definitely purchase from a ridiculously expensive store because it would ‘make him look incredible handsome’ and ‘go fabulously with the color of his eyes’. It had been frightening, to tell the truth. As if clothes were the most important things when one got married… Hotch patted him proudly on the back and congratulated with honest affection while Rossi – who had naturally already suspected something like that coming – winked and assured the boy he wouldn’t give him any advice on how to live as a married couple. Given the senior profiler’s history with ex-wives, Reid had felt immensely relieved and grateful for that.

The members of the Organized Crime Unit – all of whom had already known Sydney from their previous operation together, thought they hadn’t known just how close the youngsters had become over the years – had been genuinely happy for him too and assured they’d make sure there would be plenty of alcohol on the wedding. What a great help…

Gideon had been… well, one word: Gideon. The man, who used to be like a father to him before mysteriously disappearing from his life entirely for a while only to suddenly appear again later as if nothing had happened, had congratulated him with a bit less enthusiasm than one would expect in a situation like that…

 

_“Married…? Well… that was unexpected, Spencer. But I’m happy for you.”_

_The genius didn’t really understand why it was so unexpected for a 28-year-old man who had an own apartment and a very respected, well-paying job to take the next logical step in his life and marry his long-time girlfriend but he wisely decided not to ask. Once, a very long time ago, he had been able to talk about anything with the older man. Now though… Of course, they were close, Reid was not about to deny that. Since the ex-profiler had come back into his life, he guest lectured with the man at the university and regularly visited him in his home, spent weekends there, playing chess and talking about most things. But not everything. Not anymore. That privilege belonged to David Rossi, and only to David Rossi, now._

_“Thank you. I hope you’ll be there…?” – Was all he said in the end._

_“Of course, Spencer.”_

At least, the older man had kept this promise and he had been there. The wedding had been beautiful, and everyone – yes, including Gideon – had had a great time. Especially little Lottie as the incredibly cute – and probably the smartest ever – flower girl. She had calculated in advance exactly the amount of petals she’d need to throw on the way to the altar and hadn’t shut up until she had gotten exactly that much. And she had been right: she had created an even, beautiful path for them to walk on.

 

Sydney and him… they loved each other, and that love had helped them over some pretty nasty times, when Reid hadn’t been able to be there for her, or had gone home banged up, deathly tired, wanting nothing more than to just fall into bed and sleep for a week. She had tried to be patient and understanding, but, naturally, there had been times when she just couldn’t keep it all bottled up anymore.

 

_“I was thinking we could visit my parents this weekend. What do you say?”_

_“Oh, Sydney… I’m sorry but I’ll need to visit an inmate in the prison on Saturday... He had promised to answer some questions…”_

_She snorted bitterly._

_“I’m beginning to think you love the serial killers more than me, Spencer Reid!” – She said, eyes full of unshed tears. – “You were absent for three days! Now, as soon as you come home, you tell me you’ll go away again! That’s unfair!” – She spat before storming out of the bedroom._

_The agent sighed sadly, and, giving one last longing look at the soft bed which was calling to him, resigned himself to spend the night awake. He followed his angry wife into the kitchen where he knew she would be waiting for him, expecting an apology and a promise to make it up to her. He just hoped he wouldn’t make a liar out of himself yet again…_

_And he was right: she was waiting for him there, looking into his eyes with expectations almost too high for him to bear._

_“Sydney… I’m honestly very sorry.” – He said, standing in front of her, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of a rapidly approaching car. – “I… don’t really know what to say. I’m sorry. I really am. That’s my job…”_

_“You have said that already.”_

_“I know. I’m so--- I mean: Please, tell your parents hi from me, and I promise I will try to be home next weekend.”_

_She rolled her eyes._

_“Unless a case comes up, you mean.”_

_There was no use trying to deny it, so he just nodded._

_“Yeah. Unless a case comes up.”_

_She sighed._

_“You’re lucky I love you, Doctor Spencer Reid.”_

_He smiled, hugging her and feeling relieved. It seemed they wouldn’t end up like Hotch and Haley had – at least, for now…_

_“I love you too, Mrs. Sydney Evans-Reid.”_

_“Let’s go back to bed.” – She winked and pulled him towards the bedroom._

_Undoubtedly, the best thing about having a fight was making up afterwards…_

Of course, their ‘making up’ also had had its natural consequence, as they had found out a few weeks afterwards…

 

_“Rossi, can I talk to you?”_

_The older man looked up from the report he was writing, probably thankful for any excuse to stop for a while, and motioned for his protégé to take a seat._

_“Sure thing, Kiddo. What’s up?”_

_Reid didn’t feel like sitting down, so he opted for pacing up and down the small office instead._

_“Sydney has been feeling rather sick lately, especially in the mornings. First, we thought she’d caught that infamous stomach bug, you know the one Morgan had not so long ago too---”_

_“Oh!” – The man, always a step ahead of his charge, smiled knowingly. – “Let me guess: this isn’t the reason?”_

_“No, indeed, it’s not.” – Sighed the younger agent, finally flopping down into the couch, suddenly feeling exhausted. – “It became suspicious when she didn’t get better after three days, and I didn’t catch it from her either… Well: Rossi: you’re going to be a grandfather.”_

_“That’s the best news ever, Kiddo! I’m so happy for you!”_

Eventually, everyone had been happy, though there were people who hadn’t been thrilled at the beginning…

 

_“Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Spencer?” – Asked Gideon, looking somewhat grim. – “A child is a big responsibility. With you job---”_

_“Wow… I must admit, that’s not exactly the reaction I was expecting… or hoping for.” – Interrupted him the genius angrily, forcing himself not to turn around and leave the older man’s apartment right then and there. – “I thought you’d be happy!”_

_“What do the others say?”_

_“They all congratulated us.” – That wasn’t exactly true, because he hadn’t told everyone yet, just Rossi and Dean but they had both been very happy. He, as stupid as he was, wanted Gideon to be among the first few people to learn about this. He could see now he needn’t have bothered… He should have spoken to Penelope, Emily and JJ first; he was sure they’d be super-excited._

_“It’s not that I’m not happy if you are. It’s just that I’m also worried about you. I know what it’s like to be there for family and to try to do your job at the same time. It’s not easy: just look at what happened to my marriage. I barely knew my own son growing up. And Dave with all his ex-wives? And what about Aaron? Aren’t you afraid to end up like us?”_

_“It’s very nice of you to worry about me…” – Spencer said with no small amount of sarcasm in his voice. – “… but I’ll manage. We’ve been together for years now and have been married for 1,5. Sure, we have arguments, like everyone else, but we’re fine and we’re happy about our baby. If you don’t want to be part of our lives then fine; don’t be.”_

_He knew Gideon didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He knew, deep down, that the man still had a hard time acknowledging the fact that the genius boy he had discovered at Caltech many years ago, wasn’t the same child anymore. For the older man, when he had left the BAU, the time had stopped and Reid had stopped maturing. Whatever had happened ever since, Gideon still saw an insecure boy, barely in his early twenties when he looked at him, and this was the reason he couldn’t react well to the news of said boy becoming a father._

_Contrary to popular belief, in some aspects the older man had just as many problems with what others considered ‘normal’ as Reid himself. No wonder they had been like father and son once and were still (or better: again) pretty close. Reid wouldn’t forget that Gideon had been the first person ever to really understand him and like him for himself rather than for his brains._

_He knew it all and it still didn’t make him feel any better about particularly having been told he shouldn’t have a child. It seemed like fatherly feelings were already starting to develop in him and he was instantly protective of his still unborn child, and wouldn’t let anyone question the baby’s right to existence. The genius was just about to storm out when the older man sighed._

_“I’m sorry, Spencer. Of course I’d like to be there for you and your family. Forgive me.” – He said honestly. – “I just hope you won’t make the same mistakes we did.”_

_“I hope that too.”_

_“Do you know the gender already?”_

_Despite his earlier annoyance, Reid smiled at the question, remembering how enthusiastic both him and Sydney had been just two days ago after getting the ultrasound picture._

_“It’s a girl.”_

_“And aren’t you afraid... ahm… you know…?”_

_Of course Spencer knew what Gideon was talking about. He hadn’t slept for three days because of that after finding out he’d be a father. And no, it wasn’t your average ‘will I be a good enough parent’-kind of fear. It was so much more…_

_“Yes, I am afraid she’ll be schizophrenic, just like my mother… of course I am.” – He admitted reluctantly. – “Though four doctors have assured me independently that inheriting this thing doesn’t work this way. They all said that simply the fact that someone has a schizophrenic parent or grandparent implies nothing necessarily about that individual and it doesn’t mean a much higher risk. The lifestyle is more important and also: actually, sadly anyone can be schizophrenic, though there’s not a big chance. So, according to the doctors, I shouldn’t worry so much. Even though they admit the risk goes up_ somewhat _if a grandparent has it… Ah, it’s a mess.”_

_Gideon looked long and hard at his younger friend who was, for him, still like a son, even though they had become more distant over the years than they used to be originally._

_“And you believe them.”_

_Reid heaved a frustrated sigh._

_“What can I do? I know all the statistics of course but I’m not a medical doctor and she IS coming. We’re not about to have an abortion just because I’m turning slowly paranoid here. That was never an option.”_

_“Of course not.” – Nodded the ex-profiler in understanding. – “I’m sure it’ll be fine, Spencer.”_

_“Well, if not: we’ll live with it.”_

Luckily: so far so good. Neither his first-born nor the twins were showing any signs of schizophrenic tendencies. Not that it meant they couldn’t start later but… still. It should mean something, right?

“Daddy? DAAAAADY!”

 

Doctor Spencer Reid jumped in surprise and nearly dropped the pen. His oldest had somehow managed to sneak up on him while he was immersed in his writing and he hadn’t even noticed. What kind of special agent was he if that was possible?

 

His heart still drumming loudly in his ears, he smiled at the tiny almost 9-year-old girl standing expectantly in front of him. All his children had inherited his small, lithe stature and hair- and eye color. According to everyone, they were incredibly cute.

 

“Yes, Princess?”

 

“Daddy, what are you writing? Is it a new book of yours? Can I read it?”

 

“Actually, Sophia: this is going to be my autobiography. I’m writing about my own life.”

 

She nodded her head showing that she understood and also approved.

 

“You should write about us too. You always say we _are_ your life.”

 

“That’s true, and I am writing about you right now.”

 

“Good.” – She nodded again, her long French braids dancing wildly with the movement. – “But you’ll have to show me before you send it to the editor. If it’s about me then I have the right to veto everything I don’t like.” – She said seriously, standing on tiptoes and trying to read her father’s messy handwriting. – “And no embarrassing stories; you mustn’t forget this.” – She added as an afterthought.

 

The agent rolled his eyes. Yes, his children had inherited not only his looks but also his intelligence; no question there. Poor Sydney always complained how it was evident at the first sight who was the father of the girls but nobody would guess she was even related. He always assured his wife the three little ones had their beauty from their mother and that surely everyone could see it.

 

“Princess, it’s rude to peek at other people’s private notes.” – He tried but wasn’t surprised when she only gave him a ‘duh’-look, clearly showing she couldn’t care less how rude it was. Had he mentioned his children were just like him? Well, they didn’t have any more social skills either… Poor-poor Sydney. – “What do you say I let these papers rest for a while and we go eat an ice cream?”

 

“Yupee!” – She bolted out, all the way excitedly calling out for her siblings and mother to get ready to leave right away.

 

Reid smiled. He was sure that he was the happiest and luckiest man on Earth.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Sydney, Spencer, Sophia and six-year-old twins Ashley and Summer had spent two and a half hours sitting in the cake shop, eating various cakes and ice creams, and just talking, enjoying some quality family time together. Thanks to that, the little girls were now on sugar high, bouncing around their room and making so much noise that Sydney was thinking about going upstairs to gently scold them about it.

 

“No, leave them. They’re so cute…” – Spencer said, stopping her from moving towards the stairs.

 

“Why, Doctor Reid, you will be the one dealing with any damage your _cute_ kids will do up there.” – She laughed, playfully hitting him on the arm.

 

“Ouch… All right. I’ll go and---” – Right then his cell phone signaled the arrival of an SMS. He shot a glance at it and sighed.

 

“Work?” – Sydney guessed, trying very hard not to look too disappointed. This was supposed to be such a perfect evening for them…

 

“Yes. Work… NYPD asked me to go look at a case as soon as possible. They’re afraid the killer could strike again soon…” – He explained apologetically, already planning to have his manager Katie book his plane ticket and hotel room right now. He needed to talk to his team as well; tell them he’d be away for a few days.

 

Yes: his team. For he had been made sections chief of the BAU in Miami two years ago and – enthusiastic as he was – he had also secured himself a more active role in the everyday work of the agents than Strauss had ever had in Quantico. He thought, maybe he should write more about his promotion in his autobiography when he got back home…

 

Sydney brought him back to reality by kissing him on the lips.

 

“Go, if you have to. After all: a profiler’s work is never done.”


	5. Painful Promotion

“I told you: he’s not our guy!” – Explained Reid for the tenth time, starting to lose patience. The local PD just didn’t want to see things his way, it seemed. It was fine with him; he just didn’t know why they had bothered to invite him in the first place if they didn’t think they needed his advice. – “The one we’re looking for is a white man, not black, is much younger and has a menial job.”

 

The older police chief shook his head exasperatedly.

 

“But we found him lurking around the crime scene, trying to see what is going on. And you said he’d most probably return there!” – The stern-looking older man with a thick graying mustache accused, pointing a finger at the tired genius.

 

“Yes, but it doesn’t mean that the first person who appears is necessarily a serial killer, Chief Michaels.” – He sighed. – “And you can bet the real culprit knows now we’re expecting him at the crime scene, with all the commotion it took you to capture this poor homeless old man who was most probably just looking through the dumpster to check if there was something to eat!” – He was trying not to be too harsh on the police; they didn’t know any better. The pressure to capture the man who had killed four young women and paraded their mutilated bodies for everyone to see was getting to all of them. Still, they couldn’t afford to lose their heads now, and it was Reid’s job to make sure everyone was focused on the task.

 

Sometimes it still amazed him that he had become famous enough to be invited personally instead of the BAU in general. With all the research he’d done and the books he had written, local police departments had started to ask for him specifically around three years ago…

 

_“Spencer, can you come into my office, please?” – Asked Hotch as soon as he entered the bullpen early in the morning, not looking surprised to find the younger man already at his desk and deep in work._

_“Sure.”_

_Once inside the unit chief’s small private room, the boss closed the door and they both took seats._

_“Spencer, I just got a call from Chicago, they asked you to go there and take a look at a case. They think it might be part of a serial killing but they’re not entirely sure yet.”_

_“Oh… Shouldn’t we discuss it together first and decide here if we take the case before flying all the way there?” – While it wasn’t totally unheard of for one of them to travel first to assess the situation on location, it certainly wasn’t an everyday occurrence either. Also, when it happened, it was usually Morgan or Prentiss who went ahead and never Reid._

_Hotch gave him a thoughtful look._

_“Actually, Spencer, they didn’t ask for the BAU to be involved. They asked for_ you _.”_

_“For…_ me _? But why? Is that even possible?” – It sounded ridiculous. Maybe it was April’s Fool Day? But no, he didn’t think so; actually, come to think of it, it was July…_

_“They said they read your books and heard a lot about you. Some of their officers even attended a couple of your lectures. They want you as an expert; a consultant.” – Hotch explained and his expression didn’t betray his emotions at all, leaving the genius to wonder what his boss might be thinking about this… highly unusual request. That had only happened to Gideon and later Rossi every once in a while, but that was different; they were both legends. Him? He was nobody._

_“Well… Let’s just tell them we only work as a team.” – He concluded, figuring this was the safest way to handle this delicate matter._

_At that, the unit chief finally smiled._

_“You know, Spencer, I was thinking about how this would give us the opportunity to take on more cases than before. Build an even better reputation for the BAU and get more and more people to appreciate what we do.”_

_Reid blinked confusedly._

_“And this would result in that how exactly?”_

_“I mean that they only want a profile, they’re not asking you to actually catch the guy, so the whole team is not needed. That’s what you’ve been trying to tell us this whole time, isn’t it? That we shouldn’t get involved that much in the action itself?” – The genius blushed. Yes, of course that was his opinion but it was not something he wanted to tell his boss. It wasn’t for him to judge the way the BAU was led. Like always, the older man seemed to know what his charge was thinking. – “It’s fine, Spencer. I am interested in your ideas. As a matter of fact, I believe it’s not so far in the future that you’ll become a team leader yourself and trying out your ideas before that might be----”_

_“NO! Hotch, really! It’s your team, I wouldn’t---“_

_“--- beneficial for all involved parties. Relax, Reid! I’m not getting younger either, I won’t be here forever. And I don’t think you want to steal the team. But you’re right. We could be more efficient if we concentrated more on the profile and the psychological aspect of the crimes and less on running around chasing lunatics. So, since Chicago is requesting you, you shall go alone and do things entirely your way this time.”_

_“But, I don’t think I can… I have never worked on my own like that!”_

_“Then it’s time you began. I think we can expect great things from you.”_

_The genius smiled at that._

_“You sounded just like Dumbledore.”_

_“Who?”_

_“Never mind.”_

Hotch had, of course, been completely right. Working alone as a consultant had quickly become a regular thing for Reid, and he loved every minute of it. It was great to see how local police officers and sometimes even different agencies (like CIA, NSA, etc.) valued his opinion and were ready to follow his lead in any situation – well, mostly.

 

Right now though, Chief Michaels was still watching him expectantly from behind his thick black rimmed glasses and didn’t show any sings of finding his theory worth a penny. The genius gritted his teeth in annoyance and continued.

 

“I suggest we withdraw from that crime scene and focus our attention on the previous ones. I suspect that’s what our killer will do as well.” – He concluded.

 

The chief looked at him challengingly for a while before shrugging and leaving to instruct his men about the new assignment, and finally, Reid could breathe a sigh of relief and let himself relax as well. Appearing strict, solemn and intimidating wasn’t really as much his thing as it had seemed to be Hotch’s as a unit chief. Though maybe, just maybe, his old boss had had to make an effort to appear professional all the time too…

 

Not for the first time he wished he could ask the older man for advice but it was impossible right now. Just a little bit over two years ago, approximately half a year after Reid had first begun his solitary consulting jobs, the unit chief had made a sad but honestly not so very unexpected announcement.

 

_The BAU team had just boarded the jet, ready for takeoff towards Quantico… Going home finally after such a gruesome and difficult case sounded absolutely amazing. They had just solved a triple homicide that had nearly claimed the lives of Hotch and Morgan at one horrifying point, leaving the whole team shook up and wishing for nothing more than peace and quiet._

_Reid expected to catch some sleep during the flight so that he’d be able to spend time with the girls when they’d get home without passing out but it seemed like Hotch had other ideas… The unit chief called Garcia and turned the screen so that everyone could see her and she could see them all._

_“I wanted to tell you all something.” – He started as soon as he had the whole team’s attention. The genius instantly got a bad feeling and mentally dismissed all plans of resting he’d had for the trip._

_“What it is, Aaron?” – Asked Rossi, apparently feeling the same._

_“I… I wanted to be the one to tell you: after that case, I’m resigning.” – Declared the unit chief._

_Garcia and JJ gasped audibly while Prentis blinked with confusion and Morgan shouted ‘What the hell!?’ loudly. However Reid could only stare at Hotch, waiting for an explanation, without reacting to the news at all. He, for one, had suspected something like that coming ever since his boss had started to let him take ‘charge’ of things more or more. It didn’t mean he was happy about it._

_“You can’t.” – Said JJ. – “We’re a team…”_

_“I’ve been thinking about this for a while and our near-death experience had only strengthened my determination: I don’t want my son to grow up as an orphan. I need to spend more time with him and less away, running for dear life. I feel like I’m getting too old for this.”_

_Everyone started to protest again. Everyone except for Reid and Rossi. The senior profiler was secretly glad the unit chief finally did something for himself and his little boy, while Reid was thinking… if he were Hotch, he’d probably do the same. Family was the most important thing after all._

The genius came out of his daydreams finding himself face to face with the gruesomely tortured dead body of a woman in her early forties. It was seven o’clock in the morning and the police had gotten the call from a frantic jogger a little over fifteen minutes ago.

 

“That’s not part of the series.” – Stated Reid confidently, having assessed the situation in a heartbeat.

 

“And how can you tell?” – Challenged the police chief, half-angry, half-exasperated. He just couldn’t figure this young man out; they hadn’t even secured the crime scene yet, not to mention they hadn’t bagged any evidence or talked to the witnesses. – “It’s highly unlikely there are two killers out there, murdering the same way…”

 

“This is Memphis, Chief Michaels; of course there are at least two killers out there at any given moment. Besides, this here…” – The genius motioned around the crime scene with a bit more coordination than he used to possess in his younger years. – “… is an entirely different MO and victimology. I admit the timeline and the general scenario fits---”

 

“So, there!”

 

“—but nothing else. This is the work of a copycat.” – The profiler finished, ignoring the rude intervention.

 

“A copycat?”

 

“Exactly. Only the details that have been made public are the same as our serial killer’s. That’s telling.”

 

“So, what about this one then?” – The man groaned, resigning himself to the fact that they’d have to investigate yet another crime along with the one that had been giving them a headache for weeks.

 

“I’d say: as soon as we have her identity, check if she had a husband.”

 

“A husband…? Should I even ask…?”

 

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe how many murders are initiated by the spouse of the victim in this country. It’s possible the UnSub had wanted to get rid of her for a while now and this situation gave him the perfect opportunity to finally hire two professionals to do the dirty job under the pretense that it’s part of the killing spree going on in the city lately. He had a reason to believe we wouldn’t notice the differences and wouldn’t look for him.”

 

“You assume that---?”

 

“I never assume, Chief. This is just a possibility. A highly likely one at that, but, as I said, only an idea. Treat it as such, please.”

 

“All right. So, what do you propose we do now?”

 

“I suggest we gather the press and give an statement to tell the public that the serial killer had struck again.”

 

The chief of police stared.

 

“I thought you just said this wasn’t his work.”

 

“I know what I said.”

 

“So…? Would you care to explain?”

 

“Not particularly…” – Seeing the older man’s strict expression, he sighed. – “All right: We say it’s the serial killer’s newest victim then arrest the husband, and publish that it’s finally over; the culprit had been caught. Our UnSub is overly narcistic and obsessed with this investigation, so if he thinks someone else is stealing his glory, he’ll want us to know we’re wrong. He’ll want to prove he’s still out there and better than us. That we’ll never catch him. But then, he’ll make a mistake… – As he explained their next necessary move, Reid thought back at the last week. He had been here for over 8 days now, and hadn’t seen his family during that time at all; he had only managed to call them a handful of times and was missing his wife and children horribly. He hoped this case would be over soon and he could head home before his daughters graduated high school… They were still young but given their high IQ, it possibly wouldn’t be too long…

 

The only positive thing about this case was that he had had time to write his autobiography and had made considerable headway. He had already written about how the team had quickly fallen to pieces after Hotch’s resignation, with Morgan choosing a less demanding job and settling down with a new wife and a baby on the way, with JJ becoming pregnant again and this time opting for staying at home longer with Will and the boys, with Prentiss going to London to work for the Interpol there. After Rossi had retired for good this time, it had been only him and Garcia left from the original team, until…

 

_“Doctor Reid, would you come to my office, please.” – Spencer shot a questioning look at one of his new team mates, Luke Alvez, who just blinked in surprise. It was not every day the Assistant Director herself invited someone into her office for a chat. And whenever it happened, it never meant anything good… - “Doctor Reid! Anytime today would be fine!”_

_“Ahm… Yes, ma’am…”_

_“Sit down. Now, I just got a call from the FBI in Miami. Do you know what they wanted to talk to me about?”_

_“I have no idea.” – At her glare, he quickly added. – “Honestly. I don’t know. Did I do something wrong? We haven’t been in Miami in ages and I don’t know about any new cases that would require us to go there now and---”_

_“Did you think I wouldn’t find out!?”_

_Now Reid was completely at a loss. He really didn’t have a clue what she was referring to._

_“Find out what?”_

_“Do you think I’m stupid, Doctor Reid?”_

_“Ahm… Well… Khm… I wouldn’t use this word… I mean…”_

_“Enough! Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been getting job offers for months from the office in Miami!?”_

_“Oh! So that’s what this is about?” – Spencer nearly burst out laughing. Was she really so upset about_ that _little detail? – “But Assistant Director: I get job offers from different agencies and offices all the time! Surely, you wouldn’t want to be notified about all of them?”_

_“What do you mean: all the time!? Has this happened before?”_

_“Of course! You see, CIA and NSA want me full time, they don’t find that consulting should be enough. And then there’s the Secret Service and when Emily left to work for Interpol they wanted me to go as well, and---”_

_“Thank you, I got the picture.” – She sighed. – “You see the thing is that this one is serious.”_

_“All of them are, ma’am.”_

_“No doubt about that, Doctor Reid but this one has already been finalized. You’ll be transferring to Miami at the end of the month.”_

_“WHAT!?”_

_“You heard.”_

_Reid jumped up and started pacing, totally ignoring the older woman’s indignant look at his unprofessional behavior._

_“You can’t do this!”_

_“I can and I have. The decision has been made.”_

_“But why would you do that? Look, I know you don’t like me. And I must admit, the feeling’s mutual…”_

_“Why, thank you!”_

_“… but it doesn’t mean you have to get rid of me! I’ve been working here for ages, far longer than you!”_

_“Doctor Reid, please, do calm down and take a seat. I won’t have you rampaging around here like a pissed off bull.” – The genius was so stunned at her choice of words that he obeyed automatically. – “Much better. The reason I agreed to this is not that I wanted to get rid of you; though admittedly it’s an unexpected bonus for me…” – Ignoring the young man’s snarl, she went on. – “… but it’s mainly because I didn’t have a choice. You got a promotion nobody can refuse.”_

_“Watch me!”_

_“It’s my pleasure to inform you that come next month, you’ll be named the head of the newly established BAU department in Miami.”_

_“Huh?” – She was kidding, right? She must be!_

_“You heard right. You’ll be section chief.”_

_“But… Ahm… Why me? I’m not… I mean… They don’t know that I’m not cut out for this? I mean… I’d need to deal with people… I don’t like people. They’re generally very annoying…”_

_“Apparently they haven’t had experience with your… charming… personality yet.” – She agreed, making him narrow his eyes dangerously. – “But the deal’s done. You should be happy: it’s a very prestigious position and nobody as young as you are has ever had the opportunity to fill it. It will be your responsibility to establish the BAU department within the office there from scratch, as they didn’t have one before. You can choose your own team and construct the order as you see fit. They want your expertise and knowledge. Also, your leading abilities; not that I know what they’re talking about, mind you, but they insisted they need YOU and only you.”_

_“That’s very flattering but---”_

_“No ‘buts’. It’s too late for that. I’m wishing you a great future in Miami, Doctor Reid. Please, close the door behind you.”_

_That was it. The end of an era. Reid fumed all the way to the bullpen where he collapsed unceremoniously into his chair and refused to answer his new teammates’ questions about what had happened with the Assistant Director._

Spencer could still very well remember how sad and desperate he had felt then. It had been horrible enough as his family (his original teammates) had one by one left the BAU but then to be forced to leave his home too!? Luckily, Rossi had been there to talk him through it like always.

 

_“I can’t believe she’s doing this to me! That disgraceful, vicious bi---”_

_“Easy, Kiddo, you’re daughters are just outside!”_

_“Sorry… But really, Rossi! Can you believe her?” – The genius asked, flopping down onto the couch in a rather undignified manner, feeling spent after his rant._

_“Actually, Kiddo: I can.”_

_“I beg your pardon?”_

_“I said: yes, I can believe her. I think it’s brilliant!”_

_Reid blinked a few times, feeling as if he had just left behind the normal world and entered the twilight zone._

_“I think you didn’t hear what I said, Rossi. She’s sending me to Miami!”_

_“I heard you just fine; I’m not that old, you know.”_

_“Really? When you retired you said---”_

_“Don’t press it Kiddo.” – Rossi warned mock-angrily but his sparkling eyes betrayed his amusement. He could never get angry with his surrogate son or grandchildren._

_Reid smiled too._

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“About your new job: I think you’d be crazy to miss an opportunity like that. I also believe this is the next logical step in your career and it has been inevitably coming for a while now. You can’t keep turning down offers forever.”_

_The genius gaped._

_“You knew about them?”_

_“Of course I did. Everyone knew. Aaron even wanted to confront you once about it, but I told him to leave it to you – back then. Now though, it’s time for you to take that step.”_

_“But what if I don’t want to?” – The young man’s voice was so small and he looked so sad that Rossi felt his heart break. The older man walked to his protégé and put both his hands on his honorary son’s shoulders._

_“Now, listen to me, Spencer Reid, and listen good: you have an amazing career history and incredible, shall we say_ infinite _possibilities still waiting for you. I know very well that you hate changes and that the last months have been particularly hard on you because of the old team members’ departures. But you need to think about your future. And your family’s future. The team will never forget you; we all will always be a family. Just like Dean and the others with the Organized Crime Unit. But the life doesn’t stop, we all move on. The others have and it’s time for you too.”_

_Reid sighed and was trying very hard not to cry. Even so, a few tears escaped his eyes._

_“I really do hate changes.” – He muttered, angrily wiping his cheeks with the back of his hands. – “And I’m pathetic.”_

_Rossi grabbed his hands to stop him from rubbing his skin raw._

_“No, Kiddo. You’re not. Stop this nonsense. Most people would say you just got the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity with that job. I won’t say it, because knowing you, you’ll have lots of these. Nonetheless, it’s a big step and it’s understandable that you’re nervous. But try to be positive: you can try out all your ideas you’ve been hinting none so covertly to Aaron in the last few years.” – He winked, referring to the boy’s newfound confidence to express his opinion about the whole meaning of the BAU lately. It was true, he hadn’t been very sensitive about some criticism… Luckily for him, not only had Hotch tolerated his rather progressive suggestions but had also taken him seriously enough to give him more and more leeway within the team._

_“And what if Sydney and the little ones don’t want to move to Miami? They like living here…”_

_“Oh, come on, Kiddo. Really? Do you have any idea how they will love to be nearer to Orlando?”_

_“Geez, I haven’t thought about it. We’ll be spending every weekend in Disney World…” – He groaned good-naturedly._

Rossi had been right of course. His family had immediately fallen in love with their new home in Miami and – again, no surprise there – the only thing the children cared about was the proximity of Disney World, Universal Studios, Sea World and Legoland. Not to mention the Kennedy Space Center about which neither girl could stop talking until Reid had relented (not that it had been that difficult a decision) and they had visited it within their first week living in Florida. And then another hundred or so times afterwards. Consequently, Summer and Ashley had declared their wish to become the youngest astronauts in history, while Sophia had said she preferred to pursue a career working in the Mission Control Center, staying ‘safely on Earth’.

Finally, seeing the bright side of the decision, he had visited Linda Barnes’ office again, to say goodbye on his last day in Quantico.

_“I’m sorry I reacted the way I did, it was quite unprofessional of me. However true… Or well-founded… And justifiable… Anyway. You know ma’am, I think I don’t hate you so much anymore. I mean I---”_

_“Doctor Reid?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“That’s the kindest thing you’ve ever said to me. Don’t ruin it now.”_

_“I’m sorry. It’s just that I thought about it some more and I’m sure this is for the best… For my family and me. And probably you too, since you won’t have to put up with me daily anymore.”_

_“I’m glad you see it that way. I really do wish you all the best in the future and I expect to hear about your accomplishments a lot.”_

_“Thank you.” – He nodded, and opened the door, ready to walk out. He had said goodbye but it didn’t mean he wished to stay to chat any longer than necessary._

_“Oh, and Doctor Reid? Your suddenly awakened consciousness sounds freakishly like David Rossi.”_

_“Oh, well… I might have talked to him…?”_

_She smiled and nodded, not looking surprised at all._

_“Give him my regards. I believe he’ll be moving to Miami soon as well.”_

_“Ahm… How did you know? He only told me yesterday he’d decided to sell his house in DC and come with us to be near the girls…”_

_“Oh, well. I’ve spent too much time around profilers, wouldn’t you say, Doctor Reid?” – She dismissed him with a wave of her hand, already too engrossed in her papers to even notice the bewildered look on her ex-subordinate’s face._

 

“Doctor Reid: you were right in everything. I’m sorry if it appeared sometimes like we didn’t believe in you…” – Said the Chief and Reid could swear he was blushing a bit but surely, it was just the light...

 

It was three days after they had found the murdered wife – and yes, it had been her husband wanting the life insurance more than his spouse – and they had just caught the UnSub who had, after some persuading from the profiler, confessed everything.

 

The case was finally over and Reid would head home soon.

 

“It’s okay, Chief Michaels. I know these theories sound crazy sometimes. I’m used to getting skepticism and I never take it personally.”

 

“Nevertheless: I’m sorry. We’re very grateful to you and will remember to call you sooner next time we think there’s a deluded out there murdering people.”

 

“That would be great. Well, you know how to reach me.”

 

“Yes, we have your business card, Section Chief.”

 

Smiling, Reid noted that it didn’t bother him to hear this title anymore.


	6. Always a Profiler

Reid’s life, just like most people’s, had always been full of ups and downs. As a child, it had been mostly downs: his mother’s sickness, his father’s leaving, being bullied at school… All these and the similar things that weren’t fond memories. Not at all. In his young adult life, things had started to change. With moving to Quantico and his job with the FBI he had never even expected before, a new chapter had opened, and he had gained friends who had, somewhere along the way, become his family more than his blood relatives had ever been. And as time went and people came and left, he still knew he’d never forget the first person who had ever treated him like a real person, not just the incredible brains even his teachers had always thought him to be. Not someone to take advantage of when convenient and then put on ‘stand by’ mode whenever not needed.

No matter what had happened later between them, this, at least, would never change.

 

That person had been Gideon.

 

The man’s death had been one of the hardest blows he’d had to endure to date, and even now, years later, writing about it hurt so much that Reid had to take breaks all the time in order not to break down in tears and frighten his daughters with his uncharacteristic behavior.

 

_“I’m so sorry, Spencer… I know how hard this must be for you.” – Hotch sighed sadly, eyeing his youngest team member with worry. The boy had grown so much recently and yet… he was still too young for a heartache like that._

_The genius just nodded, not trusting himself to speak for fear he would start screaming if he as much as opened his mouth. Instead, he let the white rose fall on top of the half-buried casket and wordlessly walked away, ignoring his family’s stares that followed him all the way to the car. He would just wait for them there; there was really no need for him to stand around and wait for the dark brown solid walnut casket to fully disappear under the earth, never to emerge again, along with... It didn’t matter. The man he had loved like a father wasn’t there anyway. He was gone._

_It wasn’t until ten minutes later that the others joined him at the gate of the cemetery._

_“You all right, Kid?” – Asked Morgan carefully._

_“I’m fine.”_

_The older agent didn’t look like he believed him but wisely didn’t comment. He just gently pushed his ‘little brother’ into the car that would take them to Rossi’s where they had been invited to spend the rest of the day, together with Stephen Gideon._

_The ‘wake’, if you could call it that, was a solemn affair with each of them deep in their own thoughts and memories about the walking contradiction that had been Gideon. Nobody could deny that the man had sometimes been an ass to the people around him – answering questions in a gruff, bored way, looking like he couldn’t care less what happened to his people then disappearing on them without as much as a goodbye or an explanation… just to name a few instances._

_But there had also been another side to him: the side Reid wanted to remember forever. The man who had found a geeky, gangly and very insecure young man at Caltech and saw behind the surface of infinite diffidence and fear. Who had believed the boy could be something more and that it had been time for him to step out of the protective arms of university into the real world to learn more than just what you could pick up from the pages of countless books._

_The man who had helped him move to DC – for the first time away from his comfort zone – and settle into his new life. Who had all but held the boy’s hand on his very first day in work when the genius had been afraid the much older and tougher agents would make fun of him; or even worse: bully him like he had been tortured his whole life before that. Who had spent whole nights playing chess when nightmares had tortured the youngster mercilessly after the first few gruesome cases and mutilated bodies he had witnessed. Who had set up his very first date when the boy had been too shy to even look at a woman, let alone come up with a plan to invite her anywhere… Even if the ‘date’ hadn’t ended in a way most men would imagine he’d like it to, it had had a far better effect: even now, JJ was one of his very best friends in the world. All thanks to Gideon._

_Actually, Reid had a lot to thank him for._

_So what if the man had later just up and left? By that time the genius had hardly needed anyone to coddle him… Besides, soon Rossi had come to fill the void. And they had talked things over later and renewed their friendship. Friendship… That had been all that had remained after the long silence from the ex-profiler. Sad, but he wasn’t bitter. Not at all. Yeah, right…_

_He felt more than saw Stephen Gideon sit next to him onto the porch’s steps the genius had been occupying for a good half an hour now. He should have known someone would come to find him soon, though he’d never have expected it to be the deceased man’s only son. ONLY SON… For Stephen Gideon was Jason Gideon’s only son. The only one. The only---_

_“Hey.” – Was all the other young man said._

_“Hey yourself.” – Yeah, Spencer, good going. A very mature and smart conversation there… - “Stephen, I… I’m sorry for your loss.” – That sounded even more lame and Reid felt his cheeks burn with shame that he couldn’t offer more comfort for someone who had just lost a father. Instead of being sorry for himself he should really start thinking about others…_

_“Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss too.”_

_“Huh?”_

_Stephen wasn’t looking at him but staring at the huge garden that lay in front of them. It was beautiful, especially at this time of the year. How ironic that the flowers would bloom to their fullest on a sad day like that, almost mocking the grieving group, like screaming: ‘See? We are happy!’_

_“You know I used to be very jealous of you.” – Stephen continued._

_“Of me? You were jealous of_ me _!?” – This really sounded ridiculous. Why would Stephen Gideon, the_ real _son be jealous of_ him _? Him, who was no one? Not even worth staying for…_

_“Hated you even.” – Nodded the other man thoughtfully. – “I mean: dad came back to me after many years but his thoughts were still with you. Always with you. It was Spencer this and Spencer that all the time.”_

_“Really…?”_

_“I think I know more stories about you than you do about yourself. Like the time when you calmly walked into a carriage to save the hostages and even took off your bulletproof vest.”_

_Spencer smiled at the memory. He had been so very young back then!_

_“Well, I wouldn’t say I was calm. Actually, I was terrified!”_

_“As was dad. But he was also very proud. I always wished he’d been that proud of me…”_

_“But he was proud of you!”_

_“Yes, of course. But not as much as he was of you. You should have seen his face when he was talking about you…! You were special to him, Spencer. But it’s all right, I’m fine with it now. As a matter of fact: I kinda feel like I have a little brother…”_

_Spencer had no idea what to say to that; it was almost surreal that he was sitting on Rossi’s porch, talking to Stephen Gideon about the man that had been a father to both of them – though in two very different ways. To him, Jason Gideon had been a savior. The knight in shiny suit of armor who had appeared at just the right time and had given him something nobody ever had before: trust. To Stephen though… he’d been a father who had left his family behind not to talk to them for years. Oh, Spencer knew what it felt like… He knew very well._

_Maybe… just maybe he was better off than the real son. He had gotten something from the man that couldn’t be taken from him ever._

_Thanks to Jason Gideon, Doctor Spencer Reid had become a profiler._

A profiler… What did that mean, anyway?

To a layman and sometimes even the local police officers, it was a term associated with enigmatic hocus pocus. The profilers appeared, visited the crime scene, looked at photos, talked to witnesses. They used ridiculous words like ‘serial’, ‘narcissistic’ or ‘modus operandi’; gave a detailed description of someone they thought could be the perpetrator, usually waited around until the ‘UnSub’ was caught (who mostly fitted their profile), then left as if they never had been there. They didn’t linger and didn’t take credit. They only turned to the media when it fitted them and only released to the press what they wanted known. They were secretive and had their own methods that nobody fully understood.  

To judges, prosecutors and defense attorneys, they were the perfect but somewhat feared witnesses: cool-headed and methodical, they could explain difficult conditions and behavioral patterns like, for example, the obsessive-compulsive personality disorder so that even those who had never heard of it before ended up understanding the basics. The jury tended to listen to them and value their opinion over lengthy and impassioned speeches made by overly eager lawyers.

To fellow federal agents, they were an elite but somewhat mystical team who gave interesting lectures every once in a while. They were also the go-to persons when faced with a difficult task. And they were the ones who worked more than anyone; who never had days off and who were usually seen inside the building after hours with only the cleaning staff present besides them.

To their families, they were the ones who were never at home, who were gone for days at a time and who couldn’t talk about their jobs but, because of the nature of their jobs, couldn’t really talk about anything else either. Who didn’t even flinch when their children got a small bruise or any kind of  non-life-threatening injury because their first thought was: ‘They’re weren’t kidnapped, raped and killed by an insane serial killer. It’s just a paper cut, for God’s sake; they’ll be fine! Not like that six-year-old whose body I saw yesterday!’ Well, _that_ reaction tended to have a great effect in the family… They were also the ones who sometimes came home in the middle of the night and collapsed in tears when things had gotten too much during the day. Who then, as a result, wouldn’t get out of bed for two days because of a gunshot to the shoulder that actually hurt much less than the memory of circumstances that had led to acquiring it (not to mention the mental image of the victim that couldn’t be saved or the partner that was much worse off…).

 

Reid, of course, knew all about the reputation they had. As a matter of fact, he had helped form it when he had first moved to Florida to open the new department there.

Somehow, it seemed, people got more and more interested in the profilers and what they did generally as the time went and they became more known. As a result of that, they had begun getting invitations to TV interviews and talk shows all the time, which, since the Florida department didn’t have a media liaison, most of the time Reid himself needed to attend even though he hated parading himself with a vengeance.

 

_“Doctor Reid, thank you very much for coming to us.” – Said the red-haired young anchorwoman with a decidedly fake smile, letting her too-white teeth show towards the numerous cameras pointed their direction. – “It’s an honor having you here with us today.”_

_Having had experience with that kind of thing over the years, Reid knew he was expected to say ‘It’s an honor to be here.” and “Thank you for the invitation.”, but he wasn’t known to say things just because it was polite and/or conventional._

_“I drew the short straw.” – He said instead, shrugging for good measure. After that, he got to enjoy her startled wide-eyed expression as she stopped in mid-sentence, stunned by his rude comeback. Spencer smirked to himself. Yep, this worked every time. Having the reputation of a real high-functioning sociopath just like Sherlock Holmes, but respected for his abilities nonetheless, he could get away with just about anything short of murder._

_“Yes, well. Ahm… As you know, in this show, we try to solve the “Mysteries of History”. Today, our topic is the still unknown identity of the Zodiac Killer. Doctor Reid, what can you tell us about the crimes this man committed?”_

_“Oh, well. He was a serial killer who operated in Northern California for about 10 years between the 1960s and 1970s.”_

_“Is it right that he attacked four men and three women?”_

_“That we know of.”_

_“Oh! You mean there could be more?” – It was evident by the way she squeaked that she liked news like that, probably because she thought the viewers liked it as well. Everything for higher ratings, right?_

_“Well, he claimed 37 murders in his letters sent to the newspaper, signed as ‘Zodiac’, taunting the police. These letters included four ciphers.”_

_“How interesting! Do we know what they mean?”_

_“No. Only one has been solved. Anyway, of the seven confirmed victims, two survived and even they couldn’t give enough of a description about the attacker to identify him.”_

_“Do you believe they’ll ever find out who he is?”_

_“I believe that with today’s technology, we have a far better chance than the police had back then. But should it still not work now, then it will later. In my opinion, it’s only a matter of time. With the always improving DNA-testing it might be possible to get samples from the letters he sent.”_

_“Do you think, if they’d had today’s technology back then, the murders would have been solved and some of the victims saved?”_

_Spencer thought about it for a moment._

_“It’s not just the technology that has improved. It’s also our knowledge. I think if we had the opportunity to study those crimes and locations now, we could use our extensive experience to build a profile that could eventually lead us to the killer.”_

_“Incredible!” – She was all but bouncing now, her eyes sparkling excitedly. – “So, how exactly does that work?”_

_Reid had to stop himself from groaning. This would be a long interview…_

And it had been. Also: it had been a successful one and many more had followed it. He loathed it with a passion. He wasn’t an actor and any kind of celebrity who wished to become a household name; it was just something that inevitable came with the job.

 

Then there were other things he was not…

 

_“Agent Reid, Agent Reid, AGENT REIIIIIIID!” – Shouted an anchorman who had somehow managed to break through the cordon that had been erected between the sensationalist reporters and the group of three agents currently examining the crime scene. – “Agent Reid, would you like to give a statement?”_

_“No.” – Reid answered simply, without even looking up. He was used to this behavior by now but it didn’t mean he despised it any less than before. The genius was crouched next to the place where a little over two hours prior an innocent, still traumatized citizen had found victim number three. Right now, Reid was looking for any clues the CSI might have missed by their initial scrutiny. Because, in his expert opinion, they usually missed something vital._

_“Is it true? Is the ‘Reaper’ back? Do you think this was his work?” – Obviously, the man wasn’t deterred by Reid’s less than enthusiastic reaction to his presence… Damn._

_The newfound team leader slowly stood, drawing himself to full height, towering above the small, mouse-like man holding the microphone. He noted with delight that the man gulped and took a step backward, nearly falling over some trash._

_“I never said there_ was _a ‘Reaper’. Mr…?”_

_“Ahm… Gareth McCoy, from the Miami Evening News and---”_

_“Mr. McCoy then. It’s what_ you _call him.”_

_“And what do_ you _call him, Agent Reid?” – The man pressed, not taking the hint._

_Reid was getting increasingly annoyed._

_“I call him a serial killer. Now, if you’ll excuse me: I have a criminal to catch.” – With that, he turned his back to the man and continued searching._

_In a few minutes, he found what he’d been looking for._

_The anchorman, still standing nearby with his buddy holding the camera irritatingly close, exclaimed:_

_“Oh! You have a clue? Will this lead you to the Rea--- I mean: the serial killer? Agent Reid? Do you think that---”_

_“Out of my way, Mr. McCoy. Agent Brody, please, bag it.” – With that, Reid pushed past the gaping reporter, until he was grabbed by his shoulder._

_“Agent Reid, a statement---”_

_The genius reacted instantly by throwing the smaller man to the ground and holding him tightly be his throat._

_“Never, ever touch me without warning, Mr. McCoy. Do you understand?”_

_“Ahm…” – The man gasped._

_“I said: Do. You. Understand?”_

_“Yes, sir. Of course sir, I’m sorry…”_

_“Good.”_

Of course, this little event had made the evening news and also a few headlines. Reid had gotten dozens of messages about it, mostly congratulating him for his skills – like for example from Dean and Morgan. (‘Who knew you had it in you, Kid!?’ – Morgan had written, while Dean had declared proudly: ‘That’s my student! I taught him everything he knows!’) But there had also been those who hadn’t been nearly that impressed…

 

_“Director, you wanted to see me?”_

_“Doctor Reid, can you explain to me what happened out there?” – The man asked angrily, pointing at a huge screen that seemed to have that legendary moment on loop, replaying it over and over again. If you asked Reid, it looked  each time funnier than before._

_“Yes, sir. I thought I was being attacked and so I reacted. It was instinctive.” – The genius fibbed. He had the right of self-defense, right?_

_“Try again.” – Well, apparently not…_

_“Ahm…”_

_“The truth this time, if you may.”_

_“Okay… He was annoying me…” – He admitted finally._

_The director sighed tiredly, apparently not accustomed to dealing with rowdy children fighting on the playground._

_“Doctor Reid, you’re not known for your excellent diplomatic skills, are you?”_

_“No, sir. I couldn’t say I am.”_

Well, of course not: he wasn’t a politician after all.

 

As a matter of fact, there were quite a few things he was not.

 

‘I’m not a patient man and I’m also not a good liar. I can’t pretend to like someone when I don’t and I don’t care for appearances. I don’t have people skills and I couldn’t be less interested in meeting others’ expectations.

In private life, I’m a husband to Sydney, a father to Sophia, Ashley and Summer, a son to David Rossi and the late Jason Gideon, a brother to all my old BAU and OCU teammates and to Stephen Gideon, an uncle to Lottie, Henry, Michael and Hank, and a friend to many.

Professionally, I’m a writer, a teacher, an investigator, a team leader but most of all: I’m a profiler. Always a profiler.’

 

Reid smiled and closed his notebook. That was it. He was finished with his autobiography. Funnily, it hadn’t been as difficult to write as he had expected. He would send his assistant (sorry… ‘manager’) Katie with it to the Publisher tomorrow, but for now---

 

“Daddy, daddy!”

 

“Yes, angel?”

 

“You promised we’d go to the beach today!”

 

“Oh, really? Did I?”

 

“YES! Don’t tell me you forgot!”

 

“Well---”

 

A beat…

 

“DADDY!”

 

Yep. The patented Reid-whine. Some things remained the same generation to generation.

 

The genius laughed and tickled the pouting six-year-old.

 

“Of course I didn’t forget, Ashley! How could I?”

 

“So, we’re going then?”

 

“Of course we are! Grab your things and be ready in ten!”

 

“YUPEEE!”

 

So: for now he had other things to do. He was going to spend time with his family.


End file.
